Another?

  So I’ve made it no secret that I would love to have another child. I’ve always known I wanted two kids, and now that we have a gorgeous son -whom I love to bits- I would like to add to our family. But hubby isn’t having any of it. He says, and I’ll try to quote him “I don’t need another child for me, but I’ll do it for you and to give our son a sibling.” What am I supposed to do with that? Because what he’s really saying is… ‘I don’t want another child, my life and my family are complete and I don’t need another mouth to feed- sleepless nights- midnight diaper runs etc etc etc. But… for you, I’ll do it.’

What the hell kind of answer is that?! It’s not a YES but it’s not a NO either. It’s very confusing. So what do I do now… if I get pregnant, it’ll be for me and for our son- not for hubby… because he doesn’t want this kid. He’s assured me that when the time comes, and I do get pregnant, he’ll be there every step of the way. Will love and cherish the new baby and I have nothing to worry about… but then why do I feel so uneasy? I feel selfish for wanting this so bad. It’s not one of those ‘hmm, let’s have another kid’ things. It’s a feeling of being incomplete, my family -even thou I love them- doesn’t feel complete yet. I have room in my heart for another child. I want our son to have a sibling, because I had a sibling growing up –as did hubby- and I want him to have that. But is it fair of either of us to just assume the other will set his or her happiness aside just cuz the other doesn’t agree with the plan? I’m so confused.

So right now, we’re talking about this topic on a semi-regular bases and have decided to re-evaluate the situation in December. In the mean time, the housing company is building a whole block of new houses near us and we are on the list to maybe get one. If we do get selected to move into one of the new houses (we’ll hear in September) then a baby is out of the question for now. If we don’t get the house, then there’s a maybe that we’ll try to get pregnant in the new year. It also depends on the financial situation, since it’s not too good at the moment…

Bottom line- I want this. And not just for me. But if hubby decides he doesn’t want another child. What am I gonna do? I’m not looking for answers, I’m just putting it out there…