Binge Eating Words.

The room fell silent.
I waited for the 5 words that where inevitable. The words she probably rehearsed over and over,
to get them perfect. To not offend.
I put up a wall within myself before the words
slipped from her mouth.
"You’re looking healthy. More weight."
The scale told me otherwize. The red needle that so often kept me up
at night had been sailing slowly to the left for the past week.
"Yes, well I’ve really been trying. Eating more."
Mia had a full index of lies ready to dish out and serve in giant, binge eating portions.
Voices entered the room, and she switched conversations as though she had never
spoken to me at all.
Outside I stared into the pool, thinking about the sharp cold water
against my skin and filling my lungs.
And with more weight I would sink right down
to the
very
bottom.

I pushed the tip of my cigarette into the meat around my thumb, holding it
ontop of the skin for a couple of seconds.
The seconds released the sadness that pressed on my chest, and an eyeliner-filled
tear rolled down my face and stained my neck.
I looked down at my hand later, and amongst the calluses and teeth scrapes
2 scabs started to form over the burn.
My sadness lay in the meat around my thumb.
My sadness lay in the meat.

I think my brain is plugged in wrong.