A nice trip away and then a load of stress!

So been ages since I wrote again!!!!

We went up to Sunderland and Newcastle for Chris’ friend Mark’s wedding on the weekend of 4th August. It was nice. I worked  9pm – 5am the night before we went and then Chris collected me from work with all the kids in tow and we went straight up north. It is a 5 hour drive so I was knackered by the time we got there. We went shopping and then checked into our hotel. I stayed in bed while Chris took the kids around to see his Dad. His sister has a cute little dog which the kids had a great time playing with. At 6pm they came back and we all went for a carvery with Chris’ dad, stepmum and sister. It was nice. His dad paid for it too which with good of them. Friday we saw his dad again briefly and then went round to see his grandma. She is 81 and his grandad died last year. She was nice. I helped her make drinks for everyone and we stayed about an hr (didn’t want to overdo it with 3 active kids). She seemed very pleased to see us. I could tell her husband’s death has taken it’s toll. i guess when you have had someone in your life for that long  (55+ years) it must be so hard when you lose them. We left Sunderland on Friday afternoon and went to Newcastle to be there for Mark’s wedding.  The wedding was on the Saturday and was nice. I didn’t really know anyone except Mark but Chris knows some of Mark’s family. It was a fairly low budget wedding but lovely all the same. The kids really enjoyed it  – it is their first real wedding. We did go to one before Liam was born but Lauren and Joe were so small they don’t really remember it. At the reception we were on a table with Mark’s grandad, his uncle and his brother. The uncle is completely deaf so communication wasn’t easy but we got by. His brother has Down’s syndrome and was lovely. He really entertained the kids but did take offence easily if they overstepped the mark as kids are prone to do! It was okay though. Joe, in particular had a really good time. In the evening he was dancing the whole time. Chris and I were gobsmacked. He is such an amazing dancing. He has such talent. He was dancing away to songs he has never heard before and he had all these moves going on and it was all in perfect time. It seriously looked a routine from Britain’s Got Talent that he ahd been practising for months but it was completely spontaneous. this is at the age of 5!!! I was very impressed. On Sunday we went to visit Chris’ auntie on his mum’s side who lives in Northumberland. She has an amazing house!!!! Massive. Shame it is only her and her husband rattling around in it. they never had any children – I guess that is how they can afford such a big house!!!! Then we came home. It was only a quick visit but was nice and relaxing.

Now on to the stress I am not going to go through the whole thing on here cos it is too draining. Basically  it is to do with Chris’ mum and his sister. I need to explain a bit of background for it to make sense. Chris’s sister is a bit of a nightmare. She is 23 now and for years she has given the family a lot of worries etc. She had 2 abortions by the age of 14 and wouldn’t tell her mum who the father was in both cases. She was determined to get pregnant again as soon as she left school and she did with her boyfriend at the time. His family convinced her to have a 3rd abortion but her mum begged her not to and eventually she decided to keep the baby, so she had her son aged 17. She split with her boyfriend and trashed her council house so badly she got struck of the council list. She had men coming and going the whole time and major parties. There were drugs and all sorts involved and when she left the flat Chris’ mum says someone had painted on the wall "Slag" and such like things – there was also a bullet hole in the wall. So yeah not good. She moved down south with another boyfriend who is 10 years older than her (which in itself isn’t an issue) – he has never had a job to speak of and has drugs problems too (so say not anymore but who knows). they have had a few big bust ups – one where he headbutted her in the nose (according to her) and her mum ended up calling the police out – stuff like that. She admitted to cheating on him… basically they could appear on Jeremy Kyle and would not look out of place!!!! she got pregnant but there were major issues with the baby and they lost her at 20 weeks. Very sad. She was very cloak and dagger about the whole thing with us. She wouldn’t let her mum anywhere near at the time -choosing to have her boyfriend’s mum around instead. Chris’ mum suspects drugs were involved but who knows. She got pregnant again and gave birth to a little girl just over a year ago. So now she has 2 children. just before she had the baby she had a massive falling out with her mum. So much so that when the baby was born I was the only one on our side that she told. She wouldn’t put any pictures of the baby up on Facebook in case her mum saw them and basically kept the baby from her mum. She has not come to visit us in over 3 years not even for the kids’ birthdays etc despite being invited, We have been down there for her son’s birthday, we went to the baby’s funeral and gave her support, we went for her 21st birthday (which her mum paid a fortune for) and gave her a lovely present. So we have made a big effort and got nothing back to be honest. Through all of this stuff Chris’ mum has turned to us. I ahve had numerous lengthy phone calls from her (his mum) pouring her heart out. She has sat on our sofa crying over his sister more times than I care to remember. We have always been there for her and supported her. I have always maintained a link with his sister too through Facebook, even at times when no one else in the family was talking to her I maintained a link because to me it matters what is going on in her and the children’s lives.  Well in the last month his mum and sister have kind of patched things up which is great  – His mum has been down to see the baby at last and things are a little bit better.

I decided to have a BBQ this weekend just gone and Chris’ mum said she would come. She then said she would have his sister’s kids with her as she was having them for the weekend.  His sister was chatting to me on FB and I mentioned the BBQ and said seeing as his mum was going down to get the kids anyway why didn’t she come back with her? She said she would think about it. I mentioned it to Chris and he was like "sorry I don’t want her coming". He has never had a problem with inviting her before and usually takes the stance of "I won’t hold my breath waiting for her to come" as she never bothers to show up. I said as much to him and he explained that there is too much water under the bridge and before he has a nice bbq with her with all my family there etc he wants to see her alone and sort a few things out – which I can understand. He was not annoyed with me, he just said "look I will ring her and explain how I feel and maybe we can arrange to meet seperately and try to iron a few things out".

Well we were on the way to Tesco to buy stuff for the BBQ (this was Fri) and it was getting late and we had had a busy day.  Well his mum texts me to say his sister is going to come so I replied  "look Chris wants to ring her to sort some thin

gs out before he is comfortable with her coming to us". His mum rang me in a mad panic saying "what am I supposed to tell her??? this is ridiculous – I am only concerned with seeing my grandchildren  – I don’t want her to keep them from me because of this" etc etc  etc. She was really shouting the odds. I said  "Look Chris is driving at the moment he will ring you about it when we get home" She was shouting and shouting  so much so I held the phone away from my ear and Chris could hear her. I said we were at Tesco and the kids were running around and I had to do the shopping and Chris would ring her when we got home. She reluctantly let me go. We were in Tesco for about an hour and I was really stressed having been shouted at and the kids were messing about! ARGHH. When we came out of Tesco I looked at my phone and I had a missed call from Chris’ mum and a message saying "I have tried to contact you but no reply" – It is like FOR GOD’s SAKE!!! I text her and said look we just came out of the shop Chris will ring you at home. She rang me and started ranting and raving again and started implying that I was stirring up trouble by inviting his sister to the BBQ. I ended up hanging up the phone on her. Chris rang her when he got hom and she went on and on at him for over 2hrs which was just crazy. Lauren couldn’t sleep because of Chris being on the phone so he ended up going down the road to finish the conversation. When he came back he said he had called his sister and explained how he felt and while his sister was upset she had said she understood. That was fine and I said I was feeling very stressed by the whole thing and Chris said "well it is dealt with now let’s relax and watch a bit of tv" (This was at like 11pm) Then the bloody phone rang and it was his mum – she got on the phone to him and I could tell he was getting agitated by her again cos she was going on and on and on. He ended up hanging up and was quite upset by the whole thing. The phone rang again and I was so mad  – I answered it with "WHAT?" she was all like "why are you saying that?" I said "stop harrassing Chris I am sick of it, haven’t you done enough?" so she launched into this whole thing again and kept saying to me "you have caused this , you shouldn’t have invited her, you have stirred up all this trouble" I got so mad I ended up saying  "just fuck off" and I hung up. Then of course I get text messages saying I am abusive and saying she wasn’t harrassing Chris she was talking and "that’s what families do". Yeah cos ringing and shouting at people for 5 hours straight cos they won’t do what you want isn’t harrassment – it is a perfectly normal family conversation! I apologised for swearing and she rang me again – sigh! In the end there was a lot of talking and stuff and I was on the phone to her til gone 1.30am but it ended civilly. She said "I put you back in your box" which is frankly ridiculous but I had no energy to argue so I ignored it. After she got off the phone I logged on Facebook cos I wanted to unwind a bit before I went to bed. Chris’ sister had put a horrible message on there which I am sure was aimed at us so I put "Hope this isn’t directed at us?" but she did not reply.

Anyways the next day was much of the same. Chris spoke to his sister again and she apologised to him for not bothering and they had a long talk which was good. I spoke to his mum and said I was unhappy with the implications that I was a trouble maker and she was saying "let’s move on" and I said well I apologised to you for swearing so I think it is only right that you apologise to me for this. She wouldn’t for ages but I wasn’t going to let it go so she did apologise eventually.  In the end they both agreed to come to the BBQ but things were a little bit frosty still.  I ended up missing work because I was so stressed and drained by theOn Sunday they came to the BBQ and it was ok. Friendly if a little strained. I had been feeling very vulnerable by the whole thing and was pleased when my brother came to the BBQ all the way from Wales. On Sunday evening I played Monopoly with my family which was nice and my sister in London called me and we were talkign about me looking for another job and she made some suggestions. She was really nice and gave me a confidence boost. I was feeling a lot better so I posted a message on Facebook basically saying I was greatful for my family, that they were always supportive etc. Nothing horrible, nothing asty about anyone else just a thank you message. Well the next day I get a message from Chris’ mum saying she hopes I was not talkign about her behind her back and that she was coming direct to me and not posting on facebook and that she also loves and supports her family. I was just like What the hell??? I replied and said look stop being paranoid it is nothing about you so what are you going on about? and stop accusing me of things cos it is very hurtful and out of order. Well a few messages went between us and she said she was entitled to ask about my status. I said you did not ask – you accused me yet again and I am not having it. anyhow it went on a bit and I was so done with the whole thing so in the end I said "i am not interested in arguing let’s agree to disagree, nobody is perfect".

So it was ok ish. Today Lauren wasn’t feeling well and I couldn’t get to the shops so Chris’ mum brought some medicine round for her. We spoke and it was ok. She said she knew how hard it was when your child is sick and you can’t get out to the shops. She sort of said life is too short and stuff so I took it as her way of apologising. So things are ok I guess. It has taught me a lot. If Chris’ sister lets his mum down again I ain’t getting involved. If she wants a shoulder to cry on about it she needs to take it elsewhere because I am not having it turned back on me when things change. Blood is thicker than water and she is her daughter, I am only her daughter in law at the end of the day. I feel annoyed cos for years and years I have listened and supported her through all the shit. Really I have been there in the role her daughter should have taken but couldn’t be assed for. So in future if she needs support I will suggest she would be better off talking to her son or her daughter as it not really my place to get involved.

I really hope this is the start of good things in Chris’ family. I hate family disharmony -hate it – as my family is so closeknit. We have our ups and downs but nothing like this. I am going to be a little more cautious with his mum in future. She is so paranoid and defensive all the time – it is very hard work. Oh well – things seem to be better now anyway.

I can’t help but be quite suspicious of his sister’s motives. She always seems to be all friendly to her mum when she needs money for something. she is now planning her wedding and all of a sudden Chris’ mum is asking if my sister will do the flowers (my sister is a wedding florist). I said I would get my sister to contact his sister. His mum said "Well get her to contact me cos I am the one paying". Now I don’t begrudge his mum wanting to pay for things for her own daughter’s wedding but history has taught me that t

his is typical of his sister to start bothering with us all again when she wants something. Well I hope I am wrong and that she is genuinely turning over a new leaf but I am not holding my breath. This whole episode has taught me to stay out of it though. I am not commenting  in case it gets turned back on me at another date. If and when it all goes wrong again his mum will have to take it elsewhere. It’s none of my business.

I am off on two weeks holiday now. Really need to look for a new job – I don’t even wanna go back after my two weeks off although I am gonna have to. Never mind – gotta get looking.