More Issues Than a Subcription to Time Magazine

 What up….. Friends and Family….
 
Yes I officially consider all you family now.   Hell you know more about me than my real family does, so with that being the case – your in like Flynn.  OH GOD did I really just say In like Flynn?  Sounds like something my grandparents would say.  UGH!
 
Hmmmm so I think I am ready for the Snuffalupagus update.   Here is his story – or at least what I know of it.  Sorry if its gets long but  ya’ll should know by know that I am long winded. 
 
 

We met about 15 years ago online.  He lives in the Midwest, I lived in Cali.  His son was just born and he was Divorcing his wife.  He formerly played with the NFL and currently was working as an investment broker for a bank.  Also owned a few business, club and restaurant if I am not mistaken.

He and I bonded like peanut butter and jelly.   On the phone 24/7 with each other.  He was like this breath of fresh air compared to what I was going through back then.   He came to Cali for the Super bowl in 97 or 98 – we met, had drinks at the hotel with two of his other NFL friends.  He was a NERVOUS wreck, it was a great time and I never saw him again.
 
We remained in contact, and he became like the fantasy to me.  I dreamed of him coming to whisk me away and we live happily ever after.  But that didn’t happen.    Around the year 2000 he tells me a woman he briefly dated was expecting his baby.  I was hurt, but didn’t really care because I too had a man in Cali at the time.   It also leaked out that he had been back to Cali a few times over the past few years, but it was to see some other woman.  Again, more hurt for me….since he was my "dream" but reality soon took over and I was ok with it.   We remained friends with only occasional contact and continued on with life.   A year later, he calls me up to tell me he is getting married – but not to baby mama.   Soon after the marriage, we lost contact.  
 
December 2008 – we meet again.   This is the part where I don’t even know where to begin.  Since reconnecting, I should mention that we talk LITERALLY 4 – 7 times a day.  At first it was GREAT.  Refreshing after all the MB drama from last year.  But during the first month of us talking, I could tell he was holding back some information from me.   So finally he blurts it out.
 
 He is fighting Breast cancer and currently endures Chemotherapy.   Goes to treatment twice a week.   But this is not all….
 
While working at the bank – he laundered a bunch of money and got caught.  He will now soon be turning himself into a federal prison "camp" for the next two years.  I was SHOCKED.  We are talking about a wealthy successful man who DID NOT need the money.  As a matter of fact, he donated over 600,000 of the money he made from it to charity.  I was blown away.  I was Speechless (which by the way NEVER happens).  He now sees a FORENSIC therapist.   Now for those of you who don’t know,  Forensic psychology is like the cross between Psychology and the Criminal Justice system.  So that means, they think that his psychological issues are what caused him to do what he did.  Not greed, or the need of money or any other general dumb reason people commit crimes.  
 
And BOY were they right.  My dear friend is a MESS.  I am not a therapist, but it is VERY obvious that he has "bought"  EVERY SINGLE relationship with friends and family for his entire life.  He has purchased his love and attention and up held an image to be liked and appreciated.  He has unresolved "daddy" issues with his father.   He truly believes that me and his children are the ONLY people on the face of this earth that care about him for him not his money or wealth.   When he had all the attention and affection, he never noticed that it was not genuine.  But now that he has "fallen" everyone had of course left him it has sent him mentally spiraling quickly downward. 
 
He is SEVERELY depressed.  When the smallest of things do not go his way he freaks out.   Because of his fear of NEVER wanting to be like his father, he is RUINING his daughter.   She can do NO WRONG.  She is 8 and will take 200 bucks out of his wallet with no repercussions what so

ever.  She blinks and eye, he comes running.  I can go on and on with stuff the child pulls because he allows it out of his own dysfunction.   Now I’m not saying you should beat your kids or not adore them or be there for them.  But when you give your children ZERO parameters – there is something wrong.  
 
Now he clings to me like socks full of static on a fuzzy sweater.  I don’t mind being there for him.  I don’t mind being supportive of him while he goes through this.   Believe it or not, it doesn’t even stress me out or make me worry.  It feels like I’m supporting  a man I’ve loved all my life and it just feels 100% natural to stand by his side.   But although it is easy, there are days where I have to wonder.  All this misery and unhappiness, but all he does is busy himself with work to avoid the pain he feels and none of the issues are actually being DEALT with.  I don’t think he is sick and tired of being sick and tired yet, and until you get to that point you cannot heal.
 
So it leaves me in this place where I am happy to be able to be there for him, but am scared to death for him at the same time.  I don’t know how to make him see what I see when I look at him.  I know it has to come from him, but if he saw just a GLIMPSE of what I do, it may be a glimmer of hope.  Right now I am all the glimmer of hope he has.  But my fear that I have become like a drug to him. 
 
 

*SIGH*  HOW in the WORLD do I wind up in situations like this???  LOL.  Wish me luck, I’m gonna need it.