Trying and Trying is Tiring

I am trying very hard to continue to lose baby weight.  I weigh what I did before I was preggo, but my body has changed since then, and there is extra weight in my middle (not tons, but MAN ENOUGH to notice and hate.)

I hit my goal weight last month, and stopped dieting harshly, but now I want to continue to tone and sculpt and lose more. So that means that I’m going to have to start hitting the gym religiously once again. My goal is going to be 4 or 5 times a week. I feel that once I am there it is easier to stick to it than not. But it’s getting off my lazy ass and actually getting out of the house and GOING there. I have gone twice this week already so thats good. I’m not as in shape as I used to be thats for sure. I don’t even know anymore what weight I should be. Perhaps 120…hmm we will see.

I went out on friday night, and met up with the people I used to hang out with after work at the tail. It was a good time, but they were sorta surprised when I wasn’t really as into what I used to be. plus, I left super early and they were all in full on party mode still. I just don’t have it in me anymore to stay up that late. I have a regular job and I have a baby at home. There are more important priorities.

Joe made me breakfast on mothers day, which was really nice, but I wasn’t feeling good after that. Then we ended up going to his moms house after like 5, and had london broil and hung out with his family. I still don’t know how I fully feel about his family and potentially getting married, but they do accept me and are friendly with me, which is very nice. That’s more than I can say for my ex Jasons family who wouldn’t even let me in their house, and we dated for three years and we lived together. It always hurt my feelings that I apparently was never good enough. Well, at least now someone makes me feel that I am worth something.

I have always just wanted to be loved the right way, and get along with the person. Latly, I feel like Joe has been feeling too comfortable with his place in my life and just saying whatever he wants even if it hurts my feelings. and the problem is he doesn’t think about it before it comes out. And I told him that I won’t be the one to do that, be talked to disrespectfully, because my dad does it to my mom, and I have always been walked on, and controlled, and now I just want to be treated equal. And I have reached a comfort level with him I have never had before, which is great, but I just want to feel truly loved, and it’s so up and down.

He’s good to me besides that, I think… *sigh*

He’s a GREAT dad. He loves Brendon so much, and he is so good to him. They looked so much alike but now Brendon is starting to look more like me, and I’m glad. I want my son to resemble me! I will post some pics up here later tonight probable just to update, including some pics of where I was horrendously fat..I never posted them on facebook because I was too embarressed. eeew. That’s all I will say…but hey I was preggo and stuff. I had an excuse!!!! 🙂