Always 2008

 SONG: Empire of the Sun :We are the people http://www.youtube.com/watch

I longed to be kissed, to meet someone and have that feeling again.  I think about it almost daily.  I want to wake up with someone. I want to be able to show someone everything of me and be loved back.  I want to be kissed. The kiss from this man would make everything around me stop. It would awaken something inside of me.  I want it so much. So much is scares me that I may never have it again….

It makes me think of Mark, I don’t know why.   As my trip to London is getting closer and closer it’s making me think of everything. It’s been 5 years since I have left him. 5 years since I left London.  And my life there. 

Since then there has been over 20 weddings, over 20 babies born… at least 15 homes have been bought….  All my friends have moved on… I watch them all.. so happy for them.. I wish deep down it would happen to me..  WHY.. why has my life just stood still here? It’s 2008/2009. 

I know I ask these questions of myself so much.  

Do I need to go back.  Is this why.. my inner soul will not let me move on because really I shouldn’t of gone in the first place.

I use to be so brave.  I could of done this in my sleep 5 years ago.  I would of be able to move anywhere in the world.  Bit my bit who I used to be keeps slipping away.  This happens as you get older.  I’m scared to think that if I don’t do something soon, the world will pass me by.

Yesterday I saw "Troy" get on a plane with his new girlfriend. he moved on.  Not that I wanted to be in love with him, but since him I swore I wouldn’t sleep with anyone unless I was in Love them…. it’s been over a year since I have had sex.  I am scared. What if I never fall in love again?

I’m lonely.. I need to be kissed..