LAST SINGLE PERSON LEFT ON THE PLANET

SONG: Bette Midler- I think it’s going to rain today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxmVOnPyoik

Everyone I know has met someone…. it’s pretty much official…I AM THE LAST SINGLE PERSON LEFT ON THE PLANET. Another Baby was born last week. My best girlfriend from High School just told me she was getting married.

I feel like I am playing real life game of musical chairs- the music has stopped and I am the only left without a chair….

I have spent my life fixing everyone else- making sure they were happy… because it made me happy.. that meant I didn’t have to look at myself… I have ignored me so much that I have no idea how to change. How can someone who who spends their life fixing their friends not know how to fix herself?

I have never thought I was worth much – I never wanted to have boyfriend when I was young. I was fine being the friend with everyone. I was the girl who would drop her friends off at boyfriends house, I would help them if they were in fights. I never wanted anything more. I spend my time thinking the man of my dreams would be out there.

I am freighted that I am going to end up alone….I have no trust left to give to someone.

Some days I think about my beautiful Friend Jess who died so young, and I think to myself I wish I was her. She should be here, instead of me. She wouldn’t of wasted the last 4 years… I’m throwing myself a pity party… I know….

I need to MAKE A CHANGE… I need to be brave and so something to make me feel alive again.

I am off to SanFran in 2 weeks… perhaps  will met someone there.. ?