HE DOES

Song: Pearl Jam – Release http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E90vcBkHkYE

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about having feeling towards my friends ex ‘Troy’ – I knew what I felt was real, well as real as it can be when you drink.

Flirting over the last year had built up to last night. Troy called me out of the blue and came over to my house to hang out. We drank an endless amount of Rum.. and I flirted with him and he flirted back.

We kissed.

It felt good, not wrong,.. it felt like how I wanted it to feel… and it took my breath away at how easy it was.

He wanted to have sex with me, and god knows I did to. But I stopped it… one reason is of course he is an ex of my very good friend Kim, another is that I was concerned at how fat I am…. and lastly it was because what it would mean if we slept together… I can’t read it.

He was very intoxicated way more so then myself. I knew that it would happen if he came to see me, I knew if we were alone it would be like that.

He kissed me, and I felt him – wow… – I thought about giving him a blow job, but had to think about what would happen if I went down that road.. he was drunk, and easily led astray and if anyone found out about our circle of friend it would be the end. We agreed to just fool around, and swore not to tell anyone

So I made the couch up for him and I went to my room. I thought about him in my bed for hours, not able to sleep hoping he would come into my room. around 3am he did.. but just to sleep… I wish he had known that I would of given in at the moment if he had touched me. I lay awake next to him hoping for his hand to trace my back. But alas nothing but a perfect gentlemen.

In the morning, we both looked at each other and knew it was ok… we didn’t say anything.

I have spent the whole day thinking about him. we have text each other a few times… mainly because I text him. He didn’t reply to my last text – inside he perhaps knows my plan.

I need to work out if he wants to do this again? I can live with just a casual hook up every now and then. I think I even enjoy the secret that we have.