Promotional

*music plays: “Ha Ha High” by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club*

You’ve seen clumsy, ill-founded, childish, clearly factitious attempts at political debate!

*shots of the presidential debates*

You’ve seen fights between creatures singularly ill-equipped for them!

*shot of two penguins flapping their flippers at each other and bumping into each other*

But on the OD Political Circle, this fall, you won’t believe what you’ll see!

It all starts with one man: The Lawyer.

*shot of a guy in a three-piece suit looking up irritably from his desk, a phone held to his ear*

With the entries he writes while on hold to talk to other lawyers on the phone…

*shot of “Write An Entry” screen, the box full of text. A cursor points to “Post” and clicks*

…he ignites a firestorm of debate into which a thousand helpless moths will zoom– only to feed the flame!

*Ominous Foley clang over shot of pen-and-ink sketch of a bearded man, with black words above: NOTLIBERAL: BETWEEN DEPOSITIONS*

*shot of a gray background with red words: THE HEELS*

Watch logic, facts, and ad hominem attacks slide off The Slipperator! His evasive maneuvers seem logistically impossible– but there’s no trick! He really is just that dumb!

*shot of a skinny guy slipping inexorably through the fingers of anyone who attempts to engage him; diarist after diarist dives for him and falls, as older diarists stand in the corners of the ring and snicker*

*interview with The Slipperator*

The Slipperator: I don’t know why everyone thinks I’m a parody. *staring intently at interviewer* I think you’re a parody.

But will tensions between The Lawyer and The Slipperator lead to The Slipperator leaving Notliberal?

*backstage shot of The Lawyer and The Slipperator running into each other*

The Slipperator (clapping the Lawyer companionably on the shoulder): Steve, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal, hey, how’s it hangin’? Workin’ hard or hardly workin’? Hey, how bout them Bengals?

The Lawyer (staring at the Slipperator’s hand on his shoulder): Do not ever touch me, you worthless sack of spider offal.

The Slipperator (laughing): Yeah, spiders are awful. I don’t know why you said that right now, but oh well!

You’ll reel when dark horse Joe comes in swinging, only to be confronted with his own evil twin!

*shot of Joe and Schmoe facing off*

Announcer: THAT’S NOT JOE!

Schmoe: IT CERTAINLY ISN’T!

*shot of Joe and Schmoe fighting*

The Lawyer: THAT’S IT! NO ONE WHOSE NAME RHYMES WITH JOE IS ALLOWED HERE ANY MORE!

*shot of black background with blue words: THE FACES*

Time Stamp will be counting down the minutes of his LAST SEASON EVER on Notliberal! You won’t want to miss this!

*shot of Time Stamp smashing a clock over someone’s head and roaring*

*interview with Time Stamp*

Time Stamp: Yeah, fuck this noise. Laterz. Wait– what did the Lawyer just say? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! *runs off*

You’ll be stunned into silence when Drama Queen battles an imaginary opponent for twenty-seven straight notes!

*shot of a girl shadowboxing, yelling into thin air, “Oh, I know where you’re going to move next! I know exactly what you’re going to do and how you’re going to attack! Well, take that and that and that!”*

*interview with Drama Queen*

Drama Queen: My clairvoyance gives me a definite edge, definitely. In fact, it’s not even fair for me to box someone who’s at such a clear disadvantage. I’m thinking of leaving the league.

Will Drama Queen really leave Notliberal forever?

*shot of a mysterious girl in rhinestone-studded sunglasses and a baseball cap, walking into the ring with a large sign that says “I AM NOT DRAMA QUEEN”*

And has her faithful apprentice The Affirminator been in training long enough to take up where she left off?

*shot of The Affirminator whacking The Lawyer across the face with a concordance*

*shot of purple background with white words: THE ANNOUNCERS

Will retired heavyweight heel and double-bladed battleaxe-wielder Polychrome stay retired now that she’s slain fourteen women with her illegal Anger Issues martial arts techniques, or will the antics of the babyfaces once again prove irresistible to her bloodlust?

*shot of Polychrome, dressed in black with a spiked leather bracelet, a skull earring and heavy eyeliner, sitting at the announcers’ table as the crowd chants, “Get your rosaries off our ovaries”! She smiles imperturbably. Closeup of her fingers tightening on the handle of the axe propped against her chair*

And will she be pushed beyond endurance by the proximity of her one-time ally but now bitter foe, Grasshopper, whose whorish lifestyle is an open secret in the ring?

*shot of the announcers’ table pulls back to reveal a young blonde, dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl, her hair in pigtails, crossing her legs demurely, holding a box of candy, and smiling across at Polychrome*

Grasshopper: I brought us some Wonka Donutz, Polly! I hope you like them better than those Eichmanns I brought last time!

*shot of Polychrome’s knuckles whitening on the axe handle*

Plus, our fighters will go up against big-league guest stars– don’t miss: Liberty Physics!

*shot of the Lawyer’s foot just touching the Bible, and the ref breaking Liberty Physics’s trademark submission hold, the “Logical Extension”*

Talkative Bob!

*shot of Talkative Bob and The Slipperator facing off, then abruptly embracing and passionately French-kissing each other*

The Institute!

*shot of The Institute roaring in triumph, surrounded by groaning, prone bodies*

The Institute: THE INSTITUTE RULES!

Or will the honors go to the mysterious heckler Yo Ma-Ma, who mostly yells arcane insults at the fighters from the sidelines and laughs himself sick, but occasionally leaps into the fray?

*shot of dude waving a stuffed Curious George monkey doll in one hand and a petrified starfish in the other*

Yo Ma-Ma: HEY LAWYER! Yo mama’s so a postmodern reinterpretation of an inferior pastiche written after the deaths of H.A. and Margaret Rey, she gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “coral poaching”!

The Slipperator: Boy, Yo Ma-Ma sure is stupid and ugly, huh Lawyer?

The Lawyer: Did you just insult my mother, boy?

The Slipperator: What?

Don’t miss the action, the adventure, the pure non-stop insanity of NOTLIBERAL: BETWEEN DEPOSITIONS! Every weekday morning, depositions allowing, on the OD Political Circle this fall!