Saturday morning musings …

I stayed home from work yesterday. I was awake in the night feeling nauseous and it was still lingering in the morning so I figured the safest bet was to stay close to home. I wasn`t totally sick, but there was definitely something off so I was glad I made the decision.

But, now today I`m all messed up on what day of the week it is and keep thinking it’s Sunday.

I get confused awfully easily.

Hopefully tomorrow morning I’ll realize it isn’t Monday before I get up and get ready for work!

* * * * *

William didn`t get into the masters program he applied to. He is discouraged and angry at himself for not having gotten better marks. I tried to give him the pep talk – usually when something doesn`t go right, it just puts you on the path towards where you really should be headed (or, in other words, ‘when God closes a door, He opens a window’). No one likes to hear that when they`ve just gotten bad news … but Lara is beginning to realize it is the truth.

When she had to withdraw from the music program when she broke her wrist, she was devastated! But that pointed her towards pastry, which she loves. She hates her job and her boss, but she loves the creative side of pastry. Unfortunately, it is a dying art because everyone takes shortcuts (she works at a 5 star hotel and they bring in premade product and use mixes), so she is frustrated.

My pep talk to her last night was `you`ll be one of the people who keeps the art alive!`.

Unfortunately, there is no money in that and she does need to live …

I got a little annoyed with both of them about money.

I`ve given each of them several thousand dollars over the last few months, but it seems that they either think I have much more than I do or they forget …

I mentioned to Lara that my computer was on it`s way out.

`so, buy a new one!`

I reminded her that I`ve been diverting a lot of money in other directions lately so can`t just `buy a new one` …

I forget the specifics of the conversation with William, but his flippant `well, what do you do with all your money anyway` comment was not particularly well received and I mentioned that by supplementing HIS income during these past 6 months, mine was impacted.

I shouldn`t have to justify my spending to my children! I never assumed that I my parents should ensure that my lifestyle was equal or better to theirs! I did borrow from them … but I certainly didn`t challenge them when they would buy themselves something frivolous during a period of time that I was struggling.

He said I didn`t have to send him money anymore.

So, I won`t.

pfft. Kids.

* * * * *

Talking money, always gets me thinking about the future. I`m pretty late to starting making plans for `retirement` …

But, really – what would I do if I retired? My life is so out of balance, without work I’d be totally lost and depressed. I expect that I won`t be able to maintain a job where I make this much money, but I will ALWAYS have to work in some capacity (hopefully not a greeter at Walmart … I`m just not a people person!)

My sister, Mary, retired last summer on her 60th birthday. Her husband retired a few years before her. I think they spend every second together now … Every. Friggen. Second. This would be his choice, not hers. He’s extremely needy and demands your full attention. I don’t know how she does it.

Last time I visited I asked what she was doing with her time. She had a whole list … “we’ve joined a club” … “we’re volunteering at the foodbank” … “we go to the Y” … “we walk every day”.

I asked her if there was anything that SHE was doing alone?

No.

I would lose my mind. I can barely be at their place for a day with his need to be the centre of attention and how he dominates every discussion.

I’m slightly annoyed with her.

I lent her my suitcase to go to her son’s destination wedding in January. I need it back to go to the tradeshow next month.

I delivered the suitcase (she lives an hour and a half away) when I went to visit. She assured me they were going to visit a friend and they’d return the suitcase then.

Obviously those plans have fallen through because now she has started inviting me to her place for a weekend … and I can get the suitcase then.

I know, I shouldn’t be this annoyed. She’s my sister and lives nearby so I should be happy to spend some time with her.

However … I work all week and my weekends are the only time I have to get things done (read – to lay around and do nothing).

Why do I have to lose my weekend to go and pick up my stupid suitcase?

You’d think since they are retired, even if they aren’t going to visit their friend (which, obviously they aren’t), they could jump in the car some Saturday morning and drive here to drop off my suitcase.

No, I haven’t invited them for the weekend. They know I don’t like company. But … come on. It’s a fairly short drive to RETURN SOMETHING SHE BORROWED. I made that trip every weekend when Dad was alive.

They’ll go for hours long country drives and not think anything of it.

But, they can’t consider driving to my house to return my suitcase as a ‘long country drive’?

Meh.

I’ll just buy a new suitcase. That one was old and has started to tear – which, it sounds like, got worse on their trip to Jamaica. I can get one of those 4-wheel babies like what I got for Lara for Christmas. Super light and easy to navigate.

I’m just annoyed at the concept.

You borrowed something (in January).

I delivered it.

You promised you’d return it in time (by mid-April).

You are making up some stupid “oh, you should come here and we’ll have such fun … and you can get your suitcase then” story because you don’t want to put yourself out to return it.

I work 9 – 5 (longer) 5 days a week.

You don’t.

Who should put themselves out to ensure I get the suitcase back?

… oh, don’t get me started …

* * * * *

No promotion yet.

I had a bit of a set-back with the sales manager. She and Boss made a unilateral decision that I and the other members of the ‘sales committee’ disagreed with, but we were not consulted and when we expressed disagreement to the sales manager she just said “boss approved this”.

It is the completely flipside of how the company has operated for over 10 years.

I have been quite vocal in my opposition … a dog with a bone, so to speak. Flogging a dead horse.

I really have to let it go, but have had serious problems doing that.

The other day I went in to Boss’ office and said “if the company’s philosophy is changing, then please let me know. I’ve taken this stance because it supports how we’ve always done business, but now you are changing that.”

He got pretty ornery and snarky. Argued with me that it does not represent a change in company philosphy … that he is not contradicting what he has said for 10 years (oh, but he is!!).

I’m wondering if he and the sales manager have discussed that I shouldn’t get this promotion that was promised and if that is why he is dragging his feet. I hope they don’t think that I’m speaking out about this is because I’m thinking I’m more powerful than I was before. That is certainly not it. I’d be this mouthy anyway! IT WAS

A BAD DECISION … period.

Or, it may just be that his wife (or whatever she is) is away and she was the one pushing for it.

I really don’t care. I wasn’t trying for a promotion, I didn’t expect a promotion and, in my mind, I’m already doing whatever it is they are going to expect me to do in this new role that I may get.

However, if nothing comes through I’m going to be pretty annoyed and will ask what made them change their minds.

I’m pretty sure it is just because his wife (or whatever she is) is away but if it`s not I hope they are honest about the reason.

* * * * *

Update on the addict.

I spoke with the father recently. He said again that she is drinking (almost every day), but then commented “but, all 21 year olds are out there getting drunk, so it really isn’t a big deal”.

I said “… but not all those 21 year olds already have addiction problems”.

Then I realized I had seriously overstepped … this is really none of my business … so I tried to balance my comment with a “I guess she just needs to deal with one demon at a time”.

I don’t believe that, though. I don’t think replacing one addiction with another equally destructive one is alright. It just shifts the problem.

None of my business.

None of my business.

None of my business.

(if I tell myself this often enough maybe next time I speak with him or the mother, I won’t give my opinion)

None of my business.

* * * * *

(just reread this and see that it turned into a serious gripe session. I complain a lot. Oh well … ìt is what it is (I hate that phrase … seriously. Hate it. But it seems to work here!)

* I WISH YOU WELL! *