Why is there so much hurt inside my heart¿ *edit

Diary,

Ray kept popping up on facebook because of mutual friend in common. His boyfriend, Alex, and Kirsten, his best friend, are now friends on facebook and I’m pretty sure she enjoys his company. It made me cry.

Why does my heart hurt so bad, still? Why do I keep crying…?

I blocked Ray and Alex from facebook today… and, ofcourse, cried. I deleted his number from my phone. I am going down my text list and deleting all his texts, otherwise, I know, tomorrow I will quickly add him as a contact into my phone.

I want to cut out my heart. I want to kill it. Its a parasite within me.

This intensity I have for Ray… why does it exist? Why can I not escape it?

Sincerely,

The Writer

*edit

Ray is gone from my life…

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July 16, 2011

you’ll get over him in time

July 16, 2011

you lied

July 16, 2011

Again, smart move. 🙂

July 16, 2011

why does it exist? Why can I not escape it? Because our heart is the most vulnerable(sp?) part of our being. The most easily touched and hurt of our being. 🙂 – – – –

You asked a question in this entry, “This intensity I have for Ray…why does it exist”? My answer (since you asked here) is this: It exists now only because you allow it to exist. There is just so much room in a person’s mind and the more you allow whatever topic, subject or person to take space there, then the more intense thoughts you will have. If you honestly want to get rid ofthe intensity, then get yourself a hobby, a new one and throw yourself into it. If you think about ray all day, then subsitute think about your hobby. Every thought of ray ? —three thoughts of your hobby. If you follow that rule you will lose that intensity as you describe. (Note the hobby has to NOT include ray -it will be a new hobby, some new skill or trade or hobby. IF you want to KEEP the intensity about ray, then simply keep on thinking about him and about the past and about anything related to him, your intensity will double , triple and will develop into an obsession -if it has not already. Hey, no offense but you did ask. I like to answer questions. I don’t always have the answer but I always have an opinion. That is my opinion. peace

2. Oooops, sorry. That “wanting to cut heart out” That is pretty much a true obsession, and not healthy for you or for ray. I’d say, still get a couple of hobbies , good, clean constructive hobbies and get to spending time doing them.

July 17, 2011

*hug* be strong hun, you can get through this. One day at a time.

July 17, 2011

<3 things will get better! It’s just really hard! Atleast you have the guts to cut him out of your life! xx

July 17, 2011

ryn, he clearly isnt worth this pain, you need to truely see that and believe that and the pain will go away.

July 17, 2011

I could really use a hug right now.

Well why did you leave Ray? If it hurts this bad then go back to him. Or not if you don’t want to. Go out somewhere and meet new people. Look for happiness instead of cooping yourself up in the house crying.

July 17, 2011

Definitely takes time, I agree