Update of Feelings *edit

Diary,

Ray text me on Monday. Here is our conversation:

Ray – I did mean what I said on the card. Being apart from you helps me see how much I do love you and care about you. I think about you every day and I wish only the very best for you.

Me – I like that you felt able to share your feelings with me 🙂

Ray – I always shared my feelings with you.

His text was coming from the blue uninvited and I wasn’t sure how to respond; my first text basically just acknowledged his comment. What should I have said? Many things went into my mind. If he loves me, why would he not want me around? What about Alex. Is he texting that he loves me while he is dating Alex? Is he still dating Alex? Is Ray just feeling alone because Alex will be leaving in a couple weeks for Maine? He text me that in the evening and I pondered it while at work for some time. What is he getting at? Does he love me romantically or is his love the love of a friend? But, either way, his actions speak opposite; he put my birthday card on my windshield… how can you love someone and not want to deliver a birthday card in person?

This morning, after I was done with work, I text him, "I’m not dead. If you want me around all you have to do is ask."

He has not replied to my text, but, I’m not sitting around waiting for a reply either. It is okay if he never replies back. I’ve come to a point in this processes of letting go. If Ray doesn’t start showing me he wants me back then my romantic feelings are going to be obliterated. I can feel them becoming less every day.

Besides, with or without Ray, my life is going places 🙂

Sincerely,

The Writer

*edit

Josh’s profile image was on facebook and I thought I would pop-in to see what he had been up to. Ray left this comment on his page: "Hey! I just realized I haven’t seen you in ages. let’s hang out soon. You can meet Alex. Hope your cooler gets fixed." That was on sunday at 11pm, which would have been shortly before he left my birthday card. Who am I kidding? Ray loves attention, he doesn’t love me.