Should I give this letter?

 Dearest Ray,

I have been inconsiderate in my attempts to be included in your life; when you said you still wanted to be friends, I didn’t realize you were trying to spare my feelings. I can tell by your body language and your actions you do not want me around. You need time for your pain to release itself and I am going to give you it. I am leaving with a much painful bow. Truly, the happiest time of my life was with you and the worst was when you decided to no longer be a part of mine.

I don’t expect to be your boyfriend, but it is something I think about. One thing I have learned is two people need to share a life and what I am living right now is not a life, but, I have been making honest changes to rectify the situation. I want you to know, I realize I need to better myself for me, but, I started doing it for you because you are important to me. You have become part of my reasoning for the choices I make and I hope you know you bring me immense joy. I know its not be easy when you have too many prominent people in your life loving you with conditions, but, the love I have for you is unconditional. Its free and if you choose to accept it you will receive it. I am happy you are a successful professor, I am happy you achieved tenure, but I love you for your heart, the passion you show for your interests, and the look in your eye when you can better something or gain an experience. Your thirst for life attracts my soul to yours.

When your pain is gone and you want to begin a friendship with me, contact me.  My door is always open and my phone is always on. The next time I start dating a man, I want him to be my best friend, which, right now, I’m wishing will be you. If you feel, in the pit of your heart, that we could never be romantic, please do not let that hinder you from wanting to be my friend. I will never be able to stop loving you, but, over time I can learn to love and cherish you as a great friend. The time you need to heal will feel an eternity for me. This will be the saddest moment in my life if you choose this as our final goodbye.

Love,

The Writer

"pinkin"

*With the letter I am including his favorite book, but a version he has been wanting of it, the uncensored version with homosexual undertones as it was originally written ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’. Somehow, I feel once I let Ray alone, that will be the end. I don’t see any faith in him pursuing, at minimal, a friendship 🙁 I have never experienced a pain like that which comes from a broken heart, but, I know the glories and happiness of love. Its keeping me from closing my heart off. I often wonder if I had fallen in love with Ray and thats why it hurt so bad, but, I have very little to compare the feelings I have for him. I also need advice, should I remove him from facebook to stop my temptation of contacting him while he heals or would that be coldhearted?