Birthday Night With An Old Flame

Dear Diary,

Last night I kinda’ faced my demons.   Well, in a way.

I had got back into contact with my old boyfriend Brad (see entries around January 2004) and wanted to do something this year for his birthday.  I told him I would take him out to dinner so that is what I did last night.  But I get ahead of myself, let me start at the beginning.

Yesterday I first had to help my mother over at the condos, and around 1pm I drove over to my bro’s place to pick him up and we both went downtown to visit Ryan in jail.  Ryan was in a good mood and was happy to see me.  He misses me a lot and I miss him too.  Then I waited while my brother got to visit him.  Then I drove my bro back home.  Then I was on my way to Brad’s house.

I was excited.  It was a strange mix of emotions, for I haven’t seen Brad in years and was anxious to see him again.  Unfortunately, I still have this attraction to him, but now I am taken, so it was up to me to hold back.  When I arrived at his house, I saw that his appearance hadn’t changed that much.  Tall, dark and handsome with just a trace of acne.  Later that evening I found out he now has glasses, which he got in Phoenix, AZ, where he used to live until 6 months ago when he moved back to Ohio.  He was very polite and invited me in, offered me something to drink, so I drank a glass of water while he finished getting ready.  When he was done we left for PAWS, which is in Aurora, OH.  We had a nice dinner and then we played Street Fighter IV on his Xbox 360.  I had never played before, but I guess I was good enough to kick his butt in the first couple of fights.  There were no chairs, just a bed.  I sat down first and spread my legs for Brad to sit inbetween.  As our fingers got enough excercise, we stopped and just talked.  We were both on the bed, and he lay his head on my stomach and talked.  Having his warm body against mine turned me on and once I put my arms around his neck.  It was nice, and I got the feeling that he may still have a little bit of feelings for me as well.  Don’t worry, we didn’t do anything.  I did massage his back a little bit, and he kissed me on the lips, but that was pretty much it.  He knew I was taken and we didn’t ruin the evening.  I have to admit, though, that I had fantasized doing sexual things with him.  Oh well.  I guess I’ll have to wait until Ryan gets out and then maybe see if he’d be willing to have a 3some with us.  Here’s hoping.  But on the ride home there was definately a hint of guilt about wanting Brad when I had Ryan.  But let’s face it, Ryan has been more of an a**hole to me than Brad ever was.  I mean, Brad had his moments but he hasn’t hurt me as much as Ryan.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he’s a big black guy(at least 6 feet tall) and I’ve always been attracted to tall guys.  He has a lot of the qualities of a great guy for me, so I think that’s what took me back to when we were dating.  Plus the fact that I haven’t seen him for so long might have triggered it at well.  But I am with Ryan, so my feelings for Brad, I guess, are the demon.

TODAY: It’s the full moon.  Got a late start this morning going to mom’s to help at the unit.  Then on the way there my tire blew out and I had to kneel in the cold wind off of the freeway putting the temporary donut on it.  Grrrr.  My mom took the tire to our mechanic Gary and he said it looks like it was slashed.  I have to call Brad up later and tell him, and ask if any of his neighbors have it in for him or anything.  Hmmmm.  Also, I wrote Ryan a letter this morning letting him know everything that happened last night.  So yeah, that’s my stinky life in a nutshell at the moment.  Hope you enjoyed the drama.