i’m crushed, black and blue

i left meg’s early because j called and asked if he could please go over his paper for tuesday with me. and right before i was going to call when i got home, he texted and said "i sent it to you on facebook, night." what the FUCK ever. i’m sick of him. we need a friendship break. even though i haven’t actually seen or hung out with him in almost a month now.

mal sent me a really long email on facebook this morning randomly, all about how she hoped i didn’t think she knew that ben was ditching me to hang out with her, which he hasn’t even..it was just ridic. my favorite part was:

"i guess at the time i was kind of like, mesmerized by ben. sometimes i still am. but it wasn’t fair that i did that too, but it isn’t really sensible that you and ben are still close and we aren’t."

like..okay. now what? what’s the point of being friends now? i’m starting to pack up, to pull back. i’m removing my ties from here, because everyone that i love the most (except meg and kaleigh) won’t be here anymore anyways.

mesmerized is a good term though. i hope i get to see him tomorrow.

now i think i’m going to cry myself to sleep. fuck.