Why I Don’t Believe in Soulmates

I was informed that my previous soulmate had sought refuge in the state of Texas after her last incident. It was never going to work out between us; however, because she was a Steeler’s fan. Being a Steeler’s fan doesn’t make me a non-fan, but I just don’t fancy any particular teams and don’t like to be persuaded to like one over the other.

My real soulmate is actually a foreign exchange student over in Europe. She is completing her masters in archaeology and will be accompanying a group of archaeologists on an archaeological expedition in the sahara desert. I believe she will be doing that some time in the spring.

When I am in California, aged two and a quarter years, she will be visiting her friend in San Diego. Her friend is actually her fiancé. He proposed to her by way of mail in order to secure what he believes is a woman lost and wandering through life. The oppurtunity rose for him to take up an initiative and request the presence of her in his life forever. These will be the words that will be written in the letter that questions their future. Their relationship has spanned through a course of seven years, with their ups and downs, on and offs.

The sad thing about his marriage proposal is that it will not be accompanied by a ring. He will feel that such a delicate and expensive investment would be damaged or lost in the mail. With that, he promises her a ring upon her return to the United States. She will get a ring.

They will decide to take a trip to San Francisco to visit Alcatraz, the piers, and some shops in the surrounding area. After touring Alcatraz, they will decide to visit the chocolate factory. Once inside the factory, she will taste-test several different types of chocolate and will be fascinated with the flavor of an overly bittersweet dark chocolate to which her fiancé will be appauled at her taste in chocolate, figuring a woman would have better taste in chocolate.

She will become insulted by his comment about her taste in chocolate and a little argument will erupt and the topic of her engagement ring being lost will help escalate the argument. The topic changes from the chocolate to the fact that she dropped the ring in the toilet while it was being flushed. She will insist that it was not intentional, but he will think otherwise.

A commotion outside will distract their argument for a short period of time. Outside at this time will be an angry customer storming out of the Sharper Image. This particular customer will be attempting to destroy the facade of the store, simply because the store will not allow him to return an item he has already opened and used. The customer will be yelling obscenities as the local police officers will be rushing to the scene.

Now I will actually be sitting on a bench near the store with the angry customer, reading The Grapes of Wrath and wearing a yellow poncho and wooden clogs, only looking up to satisfy my curiosity before returning to the engaging book I will be holding in my lap, completely ignoring the rest of the world around me.

Meanwhile, my soulmate will now be making her way outside to where the commotion is to get a closer look with her fiancé. At this time, they will not be interested in their argument so much as they are interested in the conflict that is escalating outside. She and her fiancé will find their way to the bench that I am sitting at and proceed to take a seat next to me in my yellow poncho. However, her fiancé will spot a pile of bird poop basking in the warm sunshine and prevent her from taking a seat. 

The rest is history… or rather not. I would be pretty sure that she decides against their getting married possibly before they even have a chance to plan it. In that case, she will return to Europe and the surrounding areas where she will live her dream and live happily ever after.

On that note… Another soulmate will be fast approaching my destination in Colorado by way of a train. However, I am departing and she is arriving; but the train she gets off of is the train I get on. Wait… that’s a man…