Failings

I don’t know how to tell anymore.  I don’t know how to tell if I’m exhausted or lazy; tired or cowardly.  I can’t tell if I’m giving my body the rest it needs or hiding away in a state of anxiety. 

I used to think, like most people, that health and ethics were completely different things.  Lazy, cowardly people were morally weak.  Sick, frail people were physically weak.  But if I can’t even tell the difference… maybe we’re all wrong. 

I’ve been told by medical people of various stripes that my health woes are the result of pushing myself way too hard for way too long.  Perhaps there’s only so good you can be.  Part of being human.