Jealous Sea

I had a long instant message conversation with Tlalit this evening.  Mostly I listened to her vitriol about the woman Alexander left her for.  Apparently the girl sent her a Facebook friend request, hoping that they could ‘all just get along’.  Tlalit is furious that the girl doesn’t seem to realise Tlalit loathes the very thought of her, with a fiery passion that only bloody vengeance could ever hope to quell… as she explained to me in a good many more words.  And to be fair, if a man left me with a small child and heavily pregnant, and took up with a girl he’d just met, back in his home country, I’d have some words to say about it too. 

The thing I’m wondering though is this.  I never felt especially possessive of Alexander when we were together.  Nor even of Jason, my first boyfriend.  With Alexander, we even tried an open relationship, so I have trouble understanding Tlalit’s intense Scorpionic jealousy.  What I’m wondering is, do I have a nasty jealous side, that just hasn’t woken up yet? 

Towards the end of my marriage to Alexander, some of my friends suggested that my lack of jealousy was simply a sign that I didn’t really love him.  I asked a man who was into polyamory what he thought.  He said a lot of couples open their relationships because really, underneath, they just want to find their partner a replacement, so they can leave. 

There’s also the possibility that I haven’t really tested myself.  Alexander never slept with anyone else while we were together, though he did have some relatively innocent distance relationships. 

No, what really worries me is this.  What if the reason I wasn’t possessive is because I’m really not that into men?  How would I be if I was with a woman?  Would I be recognisably the same sort of girlfriend, or would I turn into some jealous, controlling, cat-fighting shrew, like everyone seems to think is normal?  Would I still be saying that I don’t believe it’s possible to truly be anyone’s whole world?