Panic attack

I’ve been panicky for a week or more about my musculo-skeletal problems, especially my feet.  Yesterday’s visit to the doctor just turned it into a full-blown… I don’t know what to call it.  Panic attack, maybe?  Today it’s just as bad.  I don’t know who to call, I can’t think what to do.  Even looking at the dishes in the sink and trying to think whether to take a shower or make breakfast does my head in.  I’ve been watching TV to numb my mind. 

I’ve gotten somewhat used to being incapacitated by physical illness.  Not this though.  Here I am rocking back and forth, barely breathing, feeling completely cornered.  I’m embarrassed to feel this way.  What’s wrong with me?  I’m a grown woman, I should be able to get a grip.  I can’t think of anyone I can allow to see me like this, let alone anyone who’d want to help.  I don’t even have a damned doctor. 

I’ve become a complete drain on everyone’s resources.  A time-suck.  It would be really nice to just end this, except then what I came for won’t get done, and I can’t come back and try it again.  I just couldn’t face it.  It’s Now or never.  Just wish I actually had a way forward; some more help.  

It would also be useful to know how much help I actually have.  I don’t know whether I can safely just ignore anything that doesn’t intuitively have big flashing lights over it, or if I’m on my own here and have to find a way myself.  Of course, being in such a panic, I probably couldn’t see big flashing lights… I probably couldn’t hear my intuition yelling "duck!" in this state.