Passing for normal

So I’ve been talking to Anna a lot; she’s been the only thing keeping me sane or something vaguely resembling it in very low light.  I got the recommendations for very nice GPs who would quite possibly be supportive, and I still couldn’t face the prospect of going to see them and argue my case.  I was a complete nervous wreck.  Anna said what the doctor had written sounded okay to her.  She reckons doctors always fill out forms in a sloppy way, because they resent the bureaucracy and feel that filling in forms isn’t what they signed up for.  Besides, she said, what’s the point telling yourself you have to do something that’s completely beyond you anyway? So I agreed to just stuff it in the envelope and send it.  It’s out of my hands now. 

Still can’t sleep at night.  Still anxious.  Still horribly depressed.  Nothing feels good; not a damn thing.  I’ve been living largely on a diet of cheese and chocolate and dried fruit for a week or more, which is ridiculous. 

You know, I’d hoped it would feel better once I’d said how shit it all was, but it doesn’t. 

I wasn’t sure if I’d manage to help out my local Greens party with this election; I was such a mess.  I did manage a couple of afternoons though.  I spent an afternoon preparing the signs and placards, and I handed out how-to-vote flyers in the afternoon on election day.  I did okay.  I think I passed for completely normal, not a basket case at all.  Hadn’t done anything so public as hand out how-to-votes before, but I was glad I did.  Perhaps it’s not in quite the same league as my GP’s helpful suggestion (see recent entries) of dressing up in pink and presenting hospital patients with bunches of the severed sex organs of plants, as an indication of other’s wishes for the outcome of their treatment.  Frankly, I think that doctor may be a little disturbed, don’t you?  But anyway, it’s my little effort at "being useful" to society.  And yeah, I think it’s a fair bet he doesn’t vote Greens.