Things that endanger friendships

I have so much to write I think I’m going to start at the end and work backward.  I spent today with Nick and his sister and friends at his house, for his 30th.  Every year he throws himself a little birthday party and invites his friends.  Every year there seem to be fewer of them, and it’s kinda sad.  He cooks lunch and then dinner for everyone, which seems to be taken somewhat for granted, and we sit around and talk.  It’s always really good company and I enjoy it a lot.  I feel a bit sorry for Nick.  He seems underappreciated. 

This time his sister Cass was there with Alex, her ex.  I had one of those strange moments where I didn’t recognise him at first.  Same haircut, same clothes, but seems completely different.  He’s warm and happy and he’s let his guard down.  I don’t see the cold and cynical guy I knew. Then I notice Cass is leaning against him.  Ah. 

I feel nothing in particular from Cass except her usual cheery chirpiness, but he’s in bliss.  All afternoon Cass is holding his hand, and lying in his lap, and he’s just melted and happy like I’ve never seen him before.  And I, to my horror, I’m jealous.  I’m trying to figure of what or whom I’m jealous.  Of their happy, warm-puppy coupleness?  Of him?  Of her?  I’m awfully confused. 

I really hate crushes, really I do.  I’ve read about the brain chemistry of them; I know it’s just an addiction.  Burdens perfectly good relationships with all sorts of awkwardness.  I still haven’t found a cure.  Ugh.  I don’t want to be keen on either of them.  It’s juvenile and inappropriate.  It makes me feel sleazy. 

So anyway, I hope it doesn’t show.  I’m embarrassed.  Does this sort of thing happen to everyone?