The rampaging monster that is email

I’ve been stressing stupidly.  Then the pain worsens, which makes me stress out more.  Why all the drama?  You know, it’s crazy… I’m not working, I’m not studying, I’m sitting at home sick on a pension.  And yet I always have more things to do than I have hours in the day.  And I’m forever adding to the ‘to do’ list, and nobody ever adds more hours to the day. 

It seems I spend 5-6hrs a day online, and I still can’t keep up with my email.  That’s it really.  I might occasionally catch up with the household chores but this email monster has gotten out of control.  I’m suffering information overload so bad there’s no point even trying to read the rest of the emails and links… my head is full! 

You know, since we don’t print emails or webpages, I think we rarely realise just how much we read each day.  I might well be reading 50 pages per day just in emails.  Add another 10 in links.  Imagine just one day’s stack of that sitting on your desk.  Now add snail mail and junk mail.  Scary, isn’t it?  And that’s not stuff you set out to read today.  That’s just what other people sent you and you feel obligated to read. 

Well, I tend to, anyway.  Impatience, I guess, in Michael terms.  The fear that you’re going to miss out on something.  The feeling that there’s just not enough time to do everything, study everything and experience everything you need to. 

I guess as a child I was always criticised for working slowly, getting "behind".  I tend to assume that, when I’m running behind, the problem is in my work rate.  That I’m just not working hard enough.  Which is pointless, really.  This idea that I can work harder and faster and get more done is a myth.  The only thing that ever really works is reducing the workload. 

Odd that it seems so difficult to overthrow the childhood programming.  So hard to say, "screw you and your silly standards, I’ll make my own thank you."  So much easier to say, "tell me I misunderstood, Dad.  Tell me you actually think I’m okay."