Troubling attitudes

I had an interesting experience today.  My old friend Jason called.  He’s an exboyfriend from about ten years ago. 

A bit of history here.  I don’t remember if I wrote about it, but late last year I’d been going to the Qi Gong classes he attends.  He invited me over one evening to watch a documentary.  I was in some pain and he offered me a massage.  He’s a professional massage therapist, so I assumed he’d be professional about it.  I was wrong.  He propositioned me, and when I turned him down he didn’t take no for an answer and tried to grope me instead.  Needless to say, I was appalled and left quickly.  When I saw him at the next class, he made no apology, and I avoided him from that point on.  I quit the Qi Gong because I didn’t want to see him. 

So when he rang this evening I was somewhat surprised.  We chatted about random things for a while.  Later that evening he rang me back and apologised for the way he’d behaved that night.  He hadn’t realised that I’d quit Qi Gong because of it.  I told him.  So I asked him why he’d propositioned me, and why he hadn’t taken no for an answer.  His answer troubled me deeply.

I thought perhaps he’s one of these people who see going to a person’s house unchaperoned as an intention to have sex.  He said no, not exactly, but if a friend does come to his house he thinks himself within his rights to "try something". 

He said he thinks I have a "weak personality" and basically, couldn’t ask for sex or accept an offer of it even if I wanted it.  He had some idea that the only way I’d ever get any is to be pressured into it.  And, he went on, he didn’t think my refusal was a sufficiently forceful one to be taken seriously.  After all, we had history so why wouldn’t I want a little ex sex?

At that point I’d heard enough.  I stopped him and said, "it doesn’t sound good". 

Have you ever heard anything like this in your life?  I certainly hadn’t.  I hadn’t thought that these attitudes still existed within mainstream Australian culture.  The idea that women are essentially frigid, that "no" doesn’t mean no unless accompanied by a cry of "rape!" and the notion that the rules of common courtesy do not apply in the absence of a chaperone.  Furthermore, the absurd belief that a woman who dumped him ten years ago could not possibly find him unenticing today.  Like men who put no effort into their appearance and yet assume that every woman finds them attractive. 

Needless to say, I have no intention of going to his house again.  At least he apologised, and he knows how I feel about the matter.  Perhaps there can be some sort of distant friendship between us – by phone only, I’d say.  But this guy’s attitudes are plain dangerous.  He’s a rapist in the making.