Intimacy or emotional promiscuity?

I’m really confused about something at the moment.  It concerns friendship.  See, I often find that I get close to people quite quickly, but then after I leave a personal conversation with them, I feel terrible.  I feel like I’ve just done something really slutty, like I’ve made a fool of myself or betrayed myself. 

So is that a legitimate interpretation – that I feel cheap because I’m being emotionally promiscuous?  Or is it just some fear of intimacy, perhaps centered on a fear of inadequacy or judgement? 

Erik Erikson’s sixth developmental stage – young adulthood – is the search for balance between intimacy and isolation.  On on extreme is promiscuity, both emotional and sexual, and on the other is exclusivity, by which he means excluding oneself from relationships and society in general.  See the thing is, with unhealthy polarisations, that if you get polarised, you tend to swing wildly between the poles.  Perhaps that’s me, I don’t know.  I’m isolated, and perhaps that leads to promiscuity. 

What is troubling is the sheer force of this awful feeling.  What if it’s just one of the general stupid fears everyone has; the sort that prevent you from being free and enjoying life.  Stupid fears can be pretty strong too.  Stronger, even.

I guess, to be honest, loneliness is an issue here.  Perhaps if I wasn’t so lonely I wouldn’t be in a hurry to get seriously personal with new friends. 

From another perspective, an astrological one, this could be about Uranus in Scorpio 7th house.  The drive: willful individualism and rebellion.  The manner: emotional intensity and unearthing of secrets.  The area of life: relationships and close friendships.  My brother has the same configuration: he still says I’m evil 😉  It does describe my rather spider-like behaviour with new friends and potential lovers.  The little game of Truth or Dare I play with the world.  Scorpio certainly has tarty tendencies. 

Ah, sometimes I really don’t like myself!