Dear Sergius,

I wrote this as an email to Sergius, but it was returned for some reason.  I don’t know if he reads my diary, but I hope so.

Hello,

I’ve read your diary for some time.  I am so sorry for your current
situation.  I can tell from your writing that you are working and succeeding
at not getting lost in the morass.  I wonder if you’d mind putting it all
aside for a moment and getting to know me a bit – there’re so many things
I’d like to ask you.  I don’t update my diary as often as you, but you’ve left notes
on it before so I know you’ve read me in the past.  I’m St. Ally.

My number one question is, how did you decide to become a priest?  I’ve
asked this question of others, and everyone has a different story.  I
suppose I’m collecting them until I decide the question definitively for
myself.  Be warned, I am an Episcopalian – our priesthood is somewhat
different from yours in practical terms, but not so much in spiritual terms
I think.  I know that the worldly lives of Episcopal and Catholic priests
differ in significant ways, but that is not my concern.  How did you know,
spiritually, that you were meant to be priest?  Or didn’t you?

And I am gay.  Which in the Episcopal Church is THE topic of concern today. 
Knowing as you do the Vatican’s position on homosexuals in the priesthood,
how do you reconcile your decision to remain?  How would I reconcile my
priesthood with those in my church (my childhood rector included) who
believe I have no right to it?

Finally, are you ever uncertain?  Do you ever have moments when you feel
inadequate to the task?  Leading a parish has got to be the most frightening
prospect to me.  How did you know you could do it?

I know there are no guarantees.  I’m not expecting any registered letters
from God telling me how to handle these things.  I just wish I wasn’t so
unsure.  I wish I felt more convinced of this vocation.  Some priests I’ve
talked to have said these feelings are normal, almost preferred.  They say
it should be a struggle since the priesthood is such a (forgive me) strange
profession.  Others have said they’ve always known.  My mother told me I
asked for a bible at three years old.  Yet here I am still questioning.

Okay, if you want to respond to any of this I’d be most appreciative.  And
thank you for sharing your diary with me and all of us who read it.

Faithfully,

Mike