5/13/05

Aaron is one of our InfoTech software support specialists. He’s assigned to our building. When our computers don’t work right, we call in a troubleTicket. A few geeks like myself can corner him in person and get him to come up and work on our problems without the paperwork hassle.

The funny thing is: he has a degree in psychology. In fact, he had his own practice (is that the right term) for a couple of years. But he decided to get out of that field and into technology. The reason?

He was tired of listening to people whine about their problems and expect him to fix it.

When Aaron comes to work in our area, I usually try to find time to be there. As a geek, I enjoy watching other geeks work – its how we build, at least one way, our skills. However, also as a geek, I enjoy getting into psychology with him. I joke every now and then that he needs to send me a bill. And, my being open, he seems to enjoy doing some off-the-record analysies, or maybe he enjoys hearing my layman analysis of myself and the others in my life.

Whatever the reason, it works for us, and its comfortable.

Yesterday, at lunch with April, while discussing her preference for black men (she is white) and her citing the fact that she is intimidating to white men but attractive to black men as the reason, I responded “I don’t find you intimidating!”

Her instant response was, “Yeah, but YOU’RE intimidating, too!”

We debated this briefly, and she challenged me to ask my other coworkers (most all of which are women).

When I got back from lunch, I did.

They just laughed at me. I didn’t think they found me intimidating.

Anyway, I ended up telling all this to Aaron. We talked about April’s relationship preferences, then moved into my own preferences as April is obviously on my radar at some level. Then we moved into even broader scope and I gave him a rundown of any current “prospects”.

Three weeks later, I arrive at my point which was Aarons sudden observation: “I think you wait too long to send that signal, to make your move. Women get too comfortable with you in that friendship mode, and then you’re washed up.”

He’s right, except for the conclusion (at least by tone) that its a bad thing.

I want deperately to avoid the shortcomings of so many of my contemporaries (iNTp’s) who render women in their life as object-values. Seek them out for the role, more literally the “position” they fill in the man’s life. Not really for the woman, the person, herself.

Sure, if all I wanted was a WIFE, I could go out, scare up that object from hither or yon, get married, and check that box off my list.

But I don’t want that. Don’t want to do that. And so far, I haven’t (at least, not the marriage checkbox — but also, I don’t think I’ve treated any woman that way.)

However, the warning in Aaron’s observation is apparent, and accepted.

Shit or get off the pot.