Real world (pt2)

(continued)

We probably sat in my truck and kissed for two hours. By the end of the session, my inner lips were almost bleeding from where she had pressed my lips into my teeth, and my tongue was raw.

She slept on my couch, I in my bed. The next morning, we took turns showering and dressed for church. I actually made a point of making sure we’d get there a little early, because being on time is important to her.

We forgot to adjust the clocks for Daylight Savings Time (fall back) and arrived at church half an hour early.

After church we bought the hardware for her car, and went out to my folks as is our custom. We discussed naturism again while I worked; she asked many questions, but pretty much rejected my answers. Still, she was thoughtful and consciencious about the asking.

That evening, there was more kissing, and we even talked about marriage – from the context of: what do we have in common? What will our lives be like? We even involved my mom in the discussion, asking “Just what do grownups do in the evening?” — referring to my highschool days when my folks basically disappered during that time between dinner and bedtime. I have no idea what they did while we watched tv or played on the computer.

Neither did my mom.

Monday came, we went our seperate ways, and when I talked to Kelly that night, I told her that, “For the first time, I actually missed you today. I really liked the woman I spent time with over the weekend. I’d like to see her more often.”

But apparently, that woman didn’t stick around.

Thursday, she called to say we needed to talk. She’d had some revelations over the week. I told her okay, call when she can, and gave her my schedule.

Her mentor Randall also tried calling me. Left me one message, I left him one, and then on Friday he reached me, but was getting ready to be busy with a ministry service, and said he’d call later or on Saturday. So had Kelly.

I heard from neither of them until last night.

Randall basically called to tell me that I needed to decide to either commit to the relationship and date her exclusively for a while, or decide to quit, and walk away.

He really made no discussion about the naturism, which is why I think Kelly wanted him to call me.

He also said some other things by way of the conversation.

His advice to Kelly prior to her visiting me on the Halloween weekend, was that if she was receiving all these warning signs, then she should probably break up. But he said she next talked with his wife at great length about sexuality, and she may have talked her into “staying on”. We both had a chuckle over the fact that she was coming to break up, but stayed on even after the naturism bomb.

He also referred to dating around as being junior-highish, and not a part of how God brings a couple together. That you don’t find someone “pot-luck”. He also said that either a couple is right, God’s intention, or they’re not. And that after dating each other for six months, we should be at the point of knowing whether its right or not.

These are all things which largely I don’t agree with. Not that they are wrong, but I don’t think they are the ONLY way. I think that once a person enters the Kingdom through Christ, that there is great latitude in how things can work.

Sometimes God has an exact will, a deliberate will, for things, and sometimes he has permissive will — leaving the choice up to us.

I also don’t think that just because a relationship isn’t “right” at the moment, doesn’t mean it won’t be or can’t be “right” later on.

I also don’t think that a wrong relationship now is always right later, or that there’s always permissive will in every relationship or circumstance. Just that these other variable options DO exist, and trying to narrow it down to just one is, well… wrong, many times.

I’m saying there’s a gamut. He’s saying its unilateral.

My conclusion is, Kelly needs to live her own life, not somebody elses.

And ironically, I’ve taken so long to write all this, that I’ve lost much of the funk that set my hand to keyboard.

My feelings, my motivation for writing today is that NOW I feel lost. I’ve lost my center, and in this grey funk I’m actually feeling ready to throw in the towel…and that also feels so wrong.