Prelude to Reinvention

George (friend with coma) is okay.

Its been a tough past few weeks for me. Not tough as in lots of work tough – it has been, but thats not worth mentioning really; its been that way for some time, and likely will continue. No, the past few weeks have pulled on me in new and challenging ways.

I’ve dealt with a lot of death. Visiting my friend in the hospital, knowing he might die any time. My step-sister-in-law (who I am close to in an amiable way)’s father died spontaniously of heart attack while on the telephone. Then, a long time friend of the family finally gave up to her 15 year battle with cancer and lost consciousness in her home with family nearby. Then, my step-father, who is as much my real father, lost a brother, also to cancer, but he had not wrestled with it for as long.

I’ve been thinking alot about death, and life. I’ve also been in the position of offering emotional support for people. I am not an emotional person. I am a thinking person. I am best at offering material support. I offer emotional support to a select group of friends – friends whom give something back to me in the support process, so it is not so taxing on me.

However, for the past couple of weeks my energy levels have been low for a number of reasons. Thus, I’ve not had the reserve energy to convert to emotional energy. So I’ve had to plunge ahead and care for my family and the family of others without any significant emotional bolstering. This has been taxing and draining to me, but at the same time caused no real harm. Except an extension of this funk I am in.

Then, there’s George. He’s in his 50’s. He has never been on-his-own in his life, and has never had a desire to be. His wife serves him divorce papers. Then, he goes in for a routine parathyroid surgery, and slips into a coma. After being gone for almost 3 days, he begins to come around. Another 3 days in the hospital for monitoring and physical therapy and then he goes home.

He tells me as I visit with him in the hospital what a revelation and life-change the experience has been for him. His values have changed. He is all God first, then family, then friends – the other things are irrelevant. His new purpose in life is simply to Love God. If he can love his family too, thats a bonus. And if he has friends after that, well thats an even greater bonus. He believes God spared him for a reason – he shouldn’t have been ill in the first place, but once he was, God could just as easily taken him.

Then, 2 days after coming home, his soon-to-be ex-wife kicked him out.

George has been leaning on me a friend through this. This too, is a kind of burden. Not that George’s requests for companionship are excessive or demanding. And, I do like him. But… well, but several things. Again, he’s needing a kind of emotional support that is hard for me to provide. He needs me to tell him that living on his own will work out, that its okay. However, the past few weeks, especially since I’ve been talking with George, what I want to tell him is “Singleness SUCKS! Alone is a bad thing!”.

Secondly, there is the strange new friendship. I consider George a friend, no doubt. But the extent of our friendship has been talking at lunch every month or two, and bantering at church. Our friendship is on the most basic level as I measure such things. I don’t feel that I’m in a position to offer him a lot of support generally speaking: we don’t have a lot of common interests beyond church and movies, I am a more active person, task oriented where he seems people oriented, and so on.

However, George tells me I am one of his best friends. He leans on me heavily during this time for that very reason. And he’s told me that I am doing very well in supporting him right now.

That really throws me. Part of me wants to pity him, that *I* am his best-friend. Who else would say that? Nobody. I don’t feel I deserve the title. But, at the same time, I am warmed and pleased that I have so many people who are so good of friends. I take for granted the fact that I build deep bonds on the initial level of friendship. And so my best-friends are most excellent friends, indeed.

Thirdly, is the whole singleness issue. I have been content in being single for, well, most of my life. I have moments of aloneness, but usually, I am fine. I seek the companionship of my friends and family, and I am content. But now, seeing George go through this – it seems such a poverty to me to watch, and I am begining to ask if I am in such poverty too.

(cont’d)