Load

And night rolls in like a load of coal behind the sun locomotive. The earth rumbles at dusk with the train’s passing, and the dark is just a different weight of your day.

Thank God for the hot breeze in its wake, or there’d be no reason to think you weren’t drowning in the liquid heat of asphalt – black as night over your head heat.

Its not that bad. But it is tense.

I carry my stress in the crux of my shoulders and neck. I also hold it in my jaw. My jaw is determination, my shoulders is the stress-bearing frame.

I’ve got the biggest project of the year on my desk…on my computer.. at work. It was due last Friday. It must go out tomorrow to the printer at 8 am. I will go into work at 6am to get everything done as possible. And still, i may end up getting an extension.

I work until 8-9pm, then I go eat or something. Then I come here and log on, with the intention of playing briefly and then working on the video project, which it too is a week overdue…. but I just don’t have the heart for it.

Then, add to all of that, I am going back down to my sister’s. I have to drive my mother down tomorrow at Noon (after we meet with our counselor pastor to discuss our options), because my sister “needs her support”, which is good if there was a point.

Support …for what? Do you have a goal that we are supporting? Are you carrying a burden that you must carry? Or is it you are just too stuborn to put it down? You don’t really have a goal…. *sigh*

Service and support are my life mission. They are inherent into my psychie. But, I must support or service something valid. Otherwise, I am being used, or worse – wasted.

So, that all kinda has me bummed. No…just more stressed.

The stress mode I am in right now is the kind that ages the heart. I can do this, a little, once a year. But I am doubling it with the other project, and tripling it with the trip, and quadupling it with the collateral damage that the trip will cause.

So my life right now is literally sleep, eat and work, with about an hour each night on the computer doing this, or whatever. And this serves only to motivate me for one more day.

I actually feel better for having rambled. Thank you.