You may always ask… (part II)

A few minutes later, she comes walking out to me. She has a cute, happy, childlike smile on her face, and her hands behind her back. I stop moving, and shut off the mower. I don’t know how to take the expression on her face, but it is nonetheless endearing; I can’t help but keep my guard down until this scene is resolved.

Like a child with a fingerpainting from school, she brings her hands from behind her back, “Here! I made this for you today!” It was a scroll-saw cutout of my private nickname. Like a child’s handiwork, it wasn’t perfect. It was practically the first time she ever attempted such a thing. But is was completely precious. And I was feeling like such an ass. In that moment, I had no doubt who her best-friend was.

“Thank you” I said, “I forgive you.”

My mistake was believing that her actions were personal against me. They weren’t. I might have saw them as slighting me, but she didn’t see them that way at all. She saw me as a friend she knew who would stand by her. She had another friend come by to visit unexpectedly, and she was doing her best to make this guy feel like a friend. Not me – because she KNEW I was her friend.

I should have been honored, not upset. And, after her gift, I was.

No, I was upset at the time because my expectation set was not being met, and I somehow thought that it was HER perrogative to meet MY expectations. But it isn’t.

I’m not saying that she can’t choose to meet them, if she wanted to. And I’m not saying that I wouldn’t prefer it if she did. What I am saying is my friendship with her is unconditonal, and if thats true, then that means that I have to TRUST that friendship. So it was I who erred more greviously that evening, not her. I saw – I chose to see – infidelity in our friendship, when I should have seen her extending service and love to another. I should have seen that she was counting on me to support her efforts, but I didn’t.

As I have said, she is a most-excellent friend. She has taught me much about love and friendship.