And This Is Your Brain After Too Many Acid Trips

For seriously.

So…BossMan alerts us that a person from X Car Lot is coming by to pick up titles. Fine, whatever.

About 20 minutes later a car pulls up to our gate and honks…barely. (We have a sign on the gate that says Honk or Call ###-#### for Service) So I poke my head out the door because the honk was so soft I couldn’t tell if it was from the street or our gate. I see Ye Old Car outside our gate and Odd Looking Dude walking toward the neighboring repo lot where E is working on a truck. (E being owner of said lot)

Odd Looking Dude then talks to E and I figure OLD is (Ha, I just now realized my code name spelled that) there to talk to him, but sure enough 2 seconds later our phone rings and it’ E informing us that OLD is here to see us.

Jess is leaving so she says she’ll let him in.

He comes in, drinking a soda and kinda looking…a bit off. He’s dressed nice though, he’s older with gray hair and a gray beard…and I ask if he’s here for the titles. He says yes, but kinda weird…like repeats what I said.

And then.

He burps at me.

Not like "I am man, hear me roar" burp.

But like burp/hiccup/squeak.

And I look at him and he does it again.

And doesn’t say anything.

No "excuse me". No "pardon". No "sorry".

So there’s a note on the titles to call B at X Car Lot when he gets here.

Then he asks to use the phone and I reluctantly give the freaky guy the phone…and then he stares at it like a monkey doing a math problem…so I offer to dial it and he tells me the number.

Once I dial the phone, he holds it, and goes "Who’s this?"

IT’S THE PERSON WHO’S NUMBER YOU DIALED YOU ASSHAT!!!!!!!!!

So after a few odd minutes of him talking to the person on the other end who was either his shroom dealer or the boss at X Cars…..he gives it back to me and I gingerly take it from him whilst holding in a shudder.

So then he just stands there…then he sees the dog who is CLEARLY cleaning his….personal belongings….and he REACHES DOWN AND STARTS TO PAT THE DOG.

Not…on the back, which is the nearest surface…but ON THE HEAD. (Thankfully I mean the one with the brain in it but still…we’re close to the other) And talks to the dog…"Yeah. Cleaning yourself. Just cleaning. Primping. Gotta clean. Clean. Cleaning. *burhicsqueak* Cleaning…"

At this point I’m thinking about how close E is and if he’d hear me scream…and about why we didn’t invest in an actual guard dog and not just a poodle in rottweiler’s clothing.

So weird guy decides he’s patted the dog enough and says he’s going.

And burhicsqueaks about 7 times on the way out the door. Like he has burping turrets or something…While he’s leaving/burping he’s talking to…me…I guess….about if he should shut the gate because the dog doesn’t need to be out…like…he knows the dog and we’re all old pals.

After lysoling off every surface three times and using a gallon of purell I decide to go make sure the gate is shut. Shut and securely locked.

AND OLD IS STILL OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankfully on the other side of the gate in his car but STILL EFFING THERE. So I pretend to be inspecting the side of the building and picking up trash until he pulls off….but then he stops mid-way through the parking lot, about 20 feet from our gate….so I go over to the fence to talk to E about OLD.

E sees me coming and comes over because apparently he wants to discuss Captain Acid Trip….it’s not even like harmless hippy freak…it’s like freaking out of your mind lost it crazy. Bibles and Grocery carts on the street crazy.

E said he was freaking WEIRD and was keeping an ear out for me because OLD freaked E out. (E = Big bad redneck repo man…not easily weirded) E said the guy was beside himself because our gate was shut…going on and on about how can he get the titles if our gate is locked and why on earth would we lock the gate when he’s coming and what’s he gonna do now. E was like "Dude. It’s a repo lot. We keep gates locked so freaks like you don’t just wander in." E said the guy was just OFF.

So I peek back out towards the parking lot and OLD now has his trunk open and hood up.

Dear Lord PLEEEEEEEEASE don’t let Ye Old Car be dead.

I tell E what OLD is doing and E started laughing. Then my friends with food arrive….and are like "who’s the freak in the parking lot checking their oil?"

So apparently OLD had to check his oil before driving.

My friend said it looked more like he was practicing a religion with the dipstick.

I’m just glad he’s gone…I called BossMan and requested that freakazoid never come back. Boss said he had no idea who the guy was…he only knows the owner of X Car’s….

So either I gave some titles to someone on a acid trip who thought he worked for X Car’s….or X Car’s needs to reevaluate their employees mental condition.

*shudder*

Oh, in other retardation news, Z Cars, who bought a car from us on our online auction, wants to know if we can just leave the car, and keys, AND title outside our lot tonight for them to pick up because they can’t get to it right now…and will just grab it when they get a chance….

Yeah.

Not so much.

You freaking morons…