Supersize Me

Thanks for the laugh, Woman on the moon…haven’t had one all day.

I am in quite the foul mood tonight, and with good reason – in my mind.  I have been in thailand for about a what?  Week and a half?  I have not had a decent sleep since I arrived due to construction at EVERY SINGLE FREEKING HOTEL I have stayed at; why should this one be any different? 

When I was making the travel arrangements, I was already exhausted from staying up to late and waking up to hammering way too early in the mornings.  I told the travel agent to ask if there was contruction going on at this hotel and was informed there was not.  I was awakened by a loud ass drilling noise at seven am.  I went down for breakfast to fill my belly…hoping the morsels would mellow me.  When i inquired about the noise, the Manager met with me and said that the AC unit in the room next to me had sprung a water leak, and they were fixing it.  I told her that I fully understand her position and having to keep all of the customers happy most of the time and the necessity to fix the AC unit but that I am very tired and need to sleep…is there another room I can move to?  I was told there was not but that the AC unit would be fixed within the hour.

I went downtown and wrote a couple of emails, reserved a space on the dive trip, then stopped for a foot massage.  The massage was quite painful so I asked her to make it relaxing.  After another five minutes of pain, I told her…knowing she wouldn’t understand but wanting to vent for my own benefit – Look…thank you for the massage, but Im going to go now.  I am already in a foul mood, and i really don’t want to add pain to my day."  Of course she didn’t understand, but I was already walking out.

Being completely exhausted and wanting sleep before the dive drip, I laid down at 1530.  At 1600 I was awakened by the same damn drilling noise…UGH.  I returned to the front desk but the manager was in a meeting.  I returned to my room and laid in a zombie state for a couple of hours, then went down for dinner.

I will always appreciate the menu presented to the characters in the movie ‘My Cousin Vinny’…"breakfast, lunch, or dinner."  Why can’t all dining experiences be that easy?  But they never are…

Waitress:  What would you like?

Customer:  Steak dinner.

Baked potato, french fried, shoe string, or wedges?

Baked.

You get a salad with that…what dressing would you like…French, Ceasar, blue cheese, thousand island, or vinegar and oil?

French.

I’m sorry….we’re out of French.

Thousand.

I’m sorry..we’re out of that too.

Just bring me a bowl of lettuce.

How would you like your steak…well, med well, med, med rare, or rare?

well.

Chared?

No…not chared.

 

When I order food, I do so at the moment that I become hungry.  I do not ancitipate the hunger pains.  By the time I finally finish 20 minutes of ordering, it will be another  minutes before my food arrives; by that time, I’m lucky if I still possess enough calories to ACTUALLY chew my food.  Bring me soup first…that way the waitress can lift my head slightly and pour the precious calories of the soup between my hungry lips after I’ve already passed out on the floor of the un-mopped restaurant floor so that I will have enough strength to cut the meat when it finally comes.

I agree with the Seinfeld show when the four of them were waiting for a table.  Elaine said – I think they should seat people based on how hungry they are.  Hell…if NASA is capable of creating an astronaut killing maching…honing the skills to a point where she is able to don diapers to keep from having to stop and pee while pursuing her quarry, they SHOULD be able to create an anal probe which can determine who is hungrier than the next person…

So my waitress finally came to my table tonight after  minutes of waiting, and AFTER I got up and asked her for service…but then, that’s Thailand.  I ordered Asparagus soup. 

I’m sorry, we’re out of that.

Ok…I’ll take the Lobster Bisque.

We’re out of that too.

Ok…there are only three other types of soup left…what DO you have? 

We have Tomato.

wouldn’t it be much easier to say that on the onset?????

Ok…I need a few more minutes…

<girl comes back>

I’ll have the Pasta here…I would like garlic bread to be served with the pasta please…not as an appetizer…

OK…and I just checked…we do have asparagus soup.

??  I’m wondering…did the cook suddenly reach up into his ass and miraculously pull out a warm bowl of soup???  but of course I simply smile, and say…ok…I’ll have the soup before the meal.

soup and garlic bread arrive together, along with a basket of normal bread.  I send the garlic bread back.  The bread later returns with  the pasta…both cold.  I am hungry so I eat.  I am always conscious about being an American when traveling.  Americans already have a very bad name for being loud travelers so I avoid confrontation…but I am also sick of being a ‘reed in the wind’. 

Following dinner, I want to check my email prior to going to bed.  I go to the internet cafe in the hotel and am told that it no longer works.   UGH.  I spoke to the lady who translated for me today when I was addressing the sleep situation with the Manager.  She was very helpful and offered to put me into a larger, more quiet room.  I don’t know if I mentioned, but they also offered to comp my meals for the day following the morning hammer and nail incident.  I told them that I’m not looking for free things…only sleep; but they insisted. 

I think I just need sleep…am becoming extremely cranky from lack of it.