Unthankful return

There is some part of me that is getting desperate again.  wanting to be who i was, feel who i was. but that wont ever happen again. or will it. i dont even know what i want anymore.

Time flies so fast, flying literally, and i cant even keep up. Im so old. this isnt what i wanted? or is it? I dont know.

The feelings come creeping back and i no longer feel adequate.

and i thought it had gone away for good this time,

nothing i do is good enough for me, and even thoguh im grateful that i’v survived and achieved, in a way its not what i wanted. its not where i was destined to be, and so i kinda dont feel like i really belong here. i cheated the system and took what wasnt mine. its not mine. but i have it. i have this life. this fucking middle class life.

and to be honest, im not sure why i so wanted it in the first place.

I have a few stories, i should post