Rahhhhhh

I havent updated in so long. sooo long, But i have been meaning too. since about June i have been lying in bed into the afternoon everyday, maybe wandering into town, more often then not just watching true crime documentaries on TV while Jim’s at work until 5. and being in the pub at night.
I start a real life full time job in 4 weeks, roughly. I think its about time. hell maybe i’ll even like it.
Its something i want to do so i guess that will help. I’ll be a trainee still, so i’ll be helped along.
i think i’v been looking forward to it really. I just swing between anxious and happy about it every few seconds.
I have been thinking and feeling well, my family on the other hand are on the downwards spiral again, but to be honest, i havent lived there for years and rarely talk to em. i hear the gossip, and thats about it, fifteen odd seconds of thought and then.. i get on with my own stuff. and i feel better for it.
every now and then i get these sudden twinges of anxiety recently. I look old. everytime i look in the mirror im aware of how old im getting, and i dont like it. Its happened so fast. I guess it happens to everyone. I just keep thinking, im too young to be trapped like this. but when i didnt have this stability i longed for it. soo……

Gah.

Roll on the good times