looking around…

im still confused as to whether im giving too many or too few chances. Its 3.38am, this is about the fourth night in a row i have sat up past this time, just unable to sleep. i have been pondering alot lately exactly what it is i should be expecting from my life, and what im doing to deserve to reap results. yes, i have always been the sort of person who lies back and lets it come to me, i wouldnt say i havent worked for what i’ve got, but i certainly havent sweated for it. maybe this is where im going wrong??

i ahve also been assured that i am far too pessimistic, and well, i dont know about ‘far too’, for a start i quite enjoy it, but i guess i know it will get me nowhere in the long term.

i guess thats hwat its all about. long term. i see everyone around me making long term decisions and long term plans, and i have none. i was just planning to carry on letting it come to me on a plate. alright you dont get thepick of what life has to offer, but you get what you can afford, and what you can easily reach for, and to be honest thats all i’ve ever really wanted. or not wanted as thecase may be. its all i’ve ever really bothered to take.

call it lazyness, call it pessimism, call it what you like, i dont want to plan ahead. i dont want to be jealous of those that have. i just want a few things to change to make my life a little more comfortable, and then for me just to wade on like that. yep, that’d about do me.

God,its onl y looking at other people that makes you really consider anything in this life.

xXx