Lakeside Visions.

The mirror, dark and shimmering, like the water of a deep lake, calls for me to throw myself in. I desire its muddy presense to fill me, drowning my lungs, suffocating my brain, while i struglle, fighting for breath as it envelopes me. Slowly. Gently.

Drowning in visions of myself.

So little of myself, yet so much t drown in.  Like poisenous gassy fumes, slowly killing off my gradually weakening limbs. No way out. Trapped, surrounded, unable to fight.

Stroking and holding my face, trying to gain back some sense of feeling, this world was never so empty before.

Others were here in this crowded head, but they to have temporarily left me. self pitying, knwoing.

They feared this drowning, and hid themselves, under my stomach. Protected from the faceless, armed demons which surround, and beat me. Hold me down, and rape and smother me, so dark. Its so so dark.

And there are ropes and ladders i could dlcimb to escape them. if i could stretch out and reach out for them. But my poisened limbs can only reach so far, and my drowned brain has no energy to force them further.

Failure to save myself, by not wanting to. I never asked for it to be simple, only for it to be easy. somewhere i lost the incentive. Maybe it was taken from me. Maybe it was never given. Engraved on the arm of the chair on which i sit, are the words ‘feel the passions, live the dream, seize the day’.

carved by some unknown entity. were they trying to convince themselves, also near this lake, or was the water of life, – alixar sweet – flowing through their ecstaic veins?

Its never worth it, til next time.  My thoat rejects and forces out the air i breath, every breath hurts. I learn to regret my subconscious biology which wills me to continue in this life.

The sight of the car park in the distance irritates – no angers – me. Cars, rows, strict lines of order. do not represent me. they do not fit in with my world. Which is more derby crash, then mathmatical logic. I despise it. Increasingly. There’s no tabboo, no resistance, in anything we do.

Celebrate irrationality.

embrace it, ride with it, to the bitter – but very welcome – end.