Consideration

Powers Boothe says:

like when a butterfly flaps its wings in brazil…

fuck the enlightenment says:

someone drops their trousers in essex?

 

Is it possible. a question i ask alot. and when i ask perhaps i know it is not, it never will be possible. Yet still i ask.

I didnt get much sleep and evey film i watched was so depressing i had to turn it off before the end.

i wish i’d learnt not to care sooner. I wish i’d learnt not to care.

I want to be free. I want to glide. with ease, and a smile, ”rose tinted spectacles”

Freedom is happiness

happiness is without truth

contentment is blind

knowledge crowds the issue

crowds the mind

the mind needs to be empty to be free

when i am thinking of nothing atall i am smiling. And i see the sun and clouds and i feel somewhat warm, almost glad to be alive and maybe even content.

And then in flood the words, drown me, and sling me back down into the darkest corner of my mind, like a stone hitting the bottom of the lake.

Cut loose from a floatation device and left to sink.

I try to cling to what i know, to where i know i will be safe.

my dreams threaten me and when ever i fall asleep i fear i wont wake again.

then i realise its not anger that rises in me, its fear.

Fear so intense it fucking blows me apart, like raging flames, tearing through a gas filled station, or a petrol soaked house (not even a home, a house)

M mind, my body especially, isnt my home. Its just a place A place of confinement. As the years will pass by.

I’ll keep tearing myself apart, But still i’ll be brave. Keep churning over, some sense of normality.

There is beauty in the world, only it is disturbing. TRUE beauty disturbs you so greatly, thats how you KNOW it is beautiful.

It makes you uncomfortable for its destructiveness. Its chaos, its splintering, bloody

trail of destruction, that run through you, like a blade,

is there nothing but me?

xXx