Balancing the Odds

Why do you choose to push away?
I confide. I talk.
Not even a basic response from you.
No single paragraph email with no punctuation and a quick love at the bottom.
I get nothing-
                        unless I demand it from you.

I grow detached in this waiting for you. Never wandering.
Never looking or seeking.
Always cautious to not put myself in a situation to be led away from "us".
And you, wherever  you are, are, perhaps, doing the same.
I don’t know because you don’t tell me.

I notice passions withering in this waiting.
Where are the fun nights with friends I used to have?
They were tucked away when I became this slave;
you only have time when you call and you never try to forewarn me.
When you do, you never show.

But when I am done in my mastering of education
where will you be?
Still making me wait?

I do not know why I am willing to wait for resolve with you,
but I am. It provides a convenient excuse for not going out
when asked by the wrong people.
But what’s going to happen when the right person asks?
Do I have to go out, stomach in knots, knowing that if I see
a glimmer or spark of interest, common and reassuring, that
I will have to confess to you-
you who always chooses to look at the suspicious
and see the negative possibilities?

So I am hesitant to decide.
But every time you think that responding to my quick "I love you"
is not important (only the "Where are you?"s get answered)
every time you wait til the last second to make arrangements to meet
(that has been on the calendar for over a full month)
every time you don’t put me just second or third
but second or third from the bottom of your list
(your dog being higher up than I).
the fact that you have a devoted person on your side
whom you choose to ignore..

it makes me wonder why I am here, waiting;
if I am willing to waste another year without you
but still devoted to you alone.

I was the last two.
I am not sure about this one.