Hard Not to Give Up Hope

No bites. At anywhere I applied. And I try to stay hopeful. But it is getting hard. I am leaning on my faith, trusting in God that I’m where I’m supposed to be now and will be where I’m supposed to be whenever its time. But the sorrow and depression coming to a tense, hostile work environment everyday is wearing on me.

And on every teacher here.

Why does no one want me? Am I TOO experienced (20 years). TOO educated (masters and almost done with a second masters). Do I “cost” districts too much in salary? I mean, I am not even getting interview calls for jobs I apply for.

Self-esteem taking a hit.

Examples of things that make work so sad just this week:

1. asked when the marking period ends as its not on the calendar. No one else could see it on the calendar either. Got a snippy, rude response from VP “It’s on the calendar. Look.” It’s not there. Even if it was, would it be so hard just to be like, “sure, it’s….” and tell me the date? What is the BFD?
2. A student pushed me into a wall last week, I was trying to break up a fight and not let her get to another student she was trying to punch. My elbow got banged up pretty bad. I’m out of sick days because we don’t get many at all. I had to take two days off as my arm had to be immobilized. I was docked two days pay. Seriously? I was injured because of a STUDENT. And this is a student that we all have warned admin about-she’s been in numerous fights and suspended numerous times. So…why was I docked?
3. When the original principal was here, he asked me to come in 45 minutes earlier than all the other teachers to help with breakfast and door duty as kids got off the bus. This would not be paid but I would be given comp time and get to leave fifteen minutes before the other teachers at the end of the day. So, I work 3o minutes more every school day than other teachers. I never get a “thank you.” And…see above…why was I docked when I have put in all that extra time and was promised comp time? The new principal said I also must stay until every student is gone and not leave at the promised time…even though I HAVE to in order to get Naya from Pre-K before I’m charged extra. When asked about this, she responded: “Well, Dan (original principal) is gone. I’m here now. This is my rule. I don’t care what was promised you. If you don’t want to do the job I can find someone else to do it.” It’s that lack of respect and lack of treating us like professionals that is really weighing us down. We could take the rough kids, the lack of money, etc. if we were treated like equals and with respect like the original principal treated us. But here we are seen as replaceable and expendable.
4. The continued lack of support for major discipline issues. All the promises of strict rules gone. Kids allowed to get away with everything. Promises are made :” We will have ISS (in school suspension)” “We will have after school detention” “Disrespect earns you detention.” Then when we try to follow through on those promises with students we are told “No” or “We never said that.”

We all joke that we feel like we are in some reality show: “How far can teachers be pushed before they break?!” Because working here seems like a joke.

And…all the state laws they break? Laws about special ed students and IEP’s, laws about administrators needing to be in the building any time kids are in the building, laws about contracted time for teachers…just ignored.

I’m sorry to be so negative. But I feel like I’m in a career black hole and sinking. At my age I should be settled into somewhere where I’d stay until retirement.

But taking those four years off with Lexi just…put a wrench in things.  I have to remind myself that it was worth it. That those four years with her were what matters in the end.