4/19/04

I went to Amalia’s birthday party yesterday.  It was OK.  I felt bad for her b/c I could tell she didn’t have very much fun.  It was like Roberts family was all ordering her around.  I guess it takes a certain type of person to play hostess and thats definately not us. 

While we were there of course Katina and Ambrose were there with the baby and she was really cute.  I’m not much for babys but every once in a whle I do OK.  Anyhow, I was watching Amalia with her and i wanted to cry b/c, its not fair.  Its not fair that I have to miss out on all of the aunt stuff just b/c my sister is a stupid ass bitch who strings me along with her “oh yea you’ll get to see him soon, dont worry”  and then she doesnt call or answer her phone at all.  I’ve watched my friends grow up with their big sisters and while most of the time i was not envious in the least, theres a special bond I guess (I know thats corny but shut up) that I’ll never have.  Its hard cuz I have no idea what its like to have a sibling.  And Nathan tells me that i’ll have nieces and or nephews when his brother or sisters have babys but will that really be the same? 

I hate Roxanne.  I hate her hate her hate her!!!!!!!!!  I wish we had never found her!  I would have been much happier not knowing if she was dead or alive.  And for that matter I hate my dad too.  The Roxanne thing wasn’t really his fault that much but then to go off and create another baby that is my sister that i will never know is just wrong.