Bananarama….

This week was awful. I don’t know if there was a full moon, but this week sucked. Im talking the week from Friday to Friday.

So, lets start with the beginning. That Friday was like any other to begin with. I was working away having the odd conversation with my cube buddy. At about 3pm, I got an email from our forclosure attorneys saying that my loans were being rejected because of other mortgage crap I wont get into here. ANYHOO…. I was a little frustrated and I asked my boss why this was happening. He said that I was doing it wrong. More frustrated I told him, no, I was doing it the way that it was written. He then told me that it did not say that anywhere, thus i got the policy for him and showed him, to which he simply said "Well, its wrong". This then caused a lot more people to stand up and come over because this particular policy was a BIG deal, hence me wanting to get clarification. They were asking him what was going on and when did the policy change and so on.

Get this… he got up and left. We were all standing there and he walked off. Linda looked at me, and I her and then I thought "oh, my God, I just made my manager THAT pissed off that he is leaving". While I was standing there, Jose my boss was suddenly coming right back towards me. I shit myself. I thought I was fired. He asked me to come with him and he brought me to my desk. He asked me what I wanted to talk to him about? Right then I remembered that I had asked him for 5 minutes earlier in the day. I was in such a panic that I couldn’t answer him, I just told him not to worry about it. Then I told him that I hadn’t meant to piss him off. He told me he was fine and he left.

I spent that whole weekend in a panic about this. On Monday we went in and at 8:15am Jose told us we were havng a meeting. He basically told us that him leaving on Friday had nothing to do with us, he had just found out that corporate are shifting departments and he was frustated because he handpicked his team and he will be loosing some of us to other managers. So, I felt much better about Jose, but now I was worried about all these changes and who I would be reporting to.

So, we went back to work and waited to find out. Monday came and went, Tuesday came and went and then on Wednesday, at 4:59pm I got an email from Jose. It simply said "Come to my desk please". I was on the phone at the time and I knew I would only be a minute or two, so I continued. One minute later I got another email "Rachel, come to my desk for a minute please". I emailed back and said "One minute please"

The call ended and I went over. He told me to sit down. "You need to cut out talking to the admins". I looked at him. "What?" I was genuinely confused. "The admins"…. "Who are the admins?" Jose clearly thought I was playing coy.

"The woman who sits behind you".  I was shocked. Seriously, shocked is not an understatment. "Jose, I had no idea I was bothering her." He sat back "and you need to start eating your lunch in the breakroom. You have to make sure you are not bothering the people around you. Just an observation"… he gave me a stomach turning smirk.

I was so angry I thought I might cry. I got up and left. My other cube buddy saw all this and text me asking me if I was ok. I didnt reply, but I saw her as I was leaving the parking lot.

I was crying and shouting. I was so mad and so confused.

I have been there for 5 weeks. In those 5 weeks, I have recieved little to no training, no feedback, no meetings on my performance, little to no help, YET I am performing at the same levels as my peers. Don’t take this as being egotistical, but we have a certain amount of loans that we have to complete in a month and the standard is 35. So far I have done 65.

People in that place laugh and joke ALL the time, they are loud and they have fun. You have to. You have to stop every few hours and have a quick chat or else your mind will fry. My conversations with this lady that he is talking about HONESTLY, we would have 2 -3 conversations a day, never loud, for about 3 – 5 minutes. It was usually about her church or her son or God.That was it.

I was so upset that the first thing he sees in me is bad. Not only that, but there is a lady that started a week after me. She has been there 4 weeks and she only completed her 1st loan last Friday, BUT he thought that she should be one of his mediators. This is a big deal.  I told Jose in the beginning that I would love to train and learn about mediation and he was like "yeah, we will do that".

One week later an email went out that the other lady would be moving to mediation. I was hurt, so I asked him straight up was I not performing up to parr? He told me that he gave it to her because she had the experience. I completely undertand that, so I was fine.

After our chat on Wednesday I began my "speak when spoken to" and I told my cube buddy we could no longer converse. I spent all day working, listening to my boss and the other team members chatting and laughing on and off. I went home and went to bed.

On Friday morning, I was getting coffee with Mary and the other lady who started after me. Mary started one week before me. Anyway, Mary suddenly says "Did I tell you that Jose asked me to go to mediation? He keeps asking me, but I’m not doing it".

My heart sank to my toes. Now not only is the first thing he notices about me is BAD, but now I know he has lied to me. You see, Mary has NO experience in anything we do. I have 2 years under my belt. She has nothing, nada and zilch. I went back to my desk and worked. Jose left at 11am without even saying hello to me in the 3 hours he and I was there.

So, Im feeling very insecure. I don’t know how to play this.  I dont know why he does not like me. HE hired me. HE interviewed me. God, I am confused and scared.

Advice?