The Theory
My uncle’s comb-over is becoming obvious and he realizes it, but just can’t bring himself to cut it short. “Well Rob,” he told me, “I have combed it just like this since I was a kid, and its the only way I know. I’m used to it, and I really can’t imagine myself combing it differently. And also, to be honest, I just don’t want to think of myself as bald.”
I was tempted to tell him about all the attractive bald guys out there, but I was sure he knew all the arguments, and was making the choice that was best for him.
“Anyway Rob,” he said, “I have a new theory about baldness and middle age.”
“Yea unk, what is it?”
“Well, you can see how when a man hits a certain age how his waistline expands right?”
“Yup.”
“Well, have you also noticed that is just about the SAME TIME a mans hairline starts to recede?”
“Uh, yea I have.”
“Well then, it’s verified medically! I call my theory the Inverse Hairline to Waistline Ratio, or IHWR. I can’t believe no one has explored this before!”
“Well unk, I was always taught it’s a byproduct of too much testosterone.”
“No Rob, I’m convinced if I loose weight, my hair will grow back. In fact, I’m going on a strict diet as of the new year.” We laughed and shook hands, and my uncle knows deep inside that he can get skinny but his hair will not grow back. He is just a cool character.
So I went home and looked at myself in the mirror as I do on certain rare occasions. I even checked my hairline. Hmm is it possible that my hairline has receded a little? Wait a minute! I think it HAS! Argh.
Gee, should I try to lose a few pounds?
Then I remembered my training. Male pattern baldness is caused by a byproduct of testosterone. I reasoned that I must have too much testosterone, and of course THAT WAS WHY my hairline had begun it’s nefarious climb northward. I am, after all, a manly masculine man. But how does a man get rid of excess testosterone?? NO NO NOT THAT! I like my guys where they are thank you very much. There much be another way. Lemme think..
SEX! Yes ladies and gentlemen, sex will surely drain off all that excess testosterone and SAVE MY HAIR! So, give your kindly doc (or your own man) a generous Christmas present and help expunge all that excess testosterone!
Merry Christmas!
Rob
*laughs softly* or you can get some estrogen cream and rub it all over yourself. *winks* love to you! happy holidays.
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can sex really get rid of extra testosterone b/c i don’t want my boyfriend going bald
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~giggles~ think of the fun unwrapping that present ; )
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what a great idea!
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It’s men’s own faults, you know. If they’d give us more sex as they age instead of dropping us in our sexual prime because they’ve already had theirs, they could keep their hair. I’m just saying: It’s a two-way street.
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LOL When I mentioned to my dad he was going bald, in his true form he said “I’m not getting more bald, I’m getting more head!” I’m sure he meant it as a dirty play on words the way he smirked, but all the same, he refused to acknowledge it LOL
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OMG: I can see the bar scene and the newest pickup line, “Hey, Babe, wanna join my crusade? What crusade, you ask? It’s called SAVE THE HAIR…”
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Teflon Superhero’s note just made me laugh out loud. There you go – you’re not getting more bald, you’re getting more head… ~
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i read this again just now, and all i could think was, “clearly, my brother didn’t get laid nearly enough.” either that, or god’s getting even with him for always making fun of my dad’s receding hair line.
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also, does that mean your hair will grow back if you start having tons and TONS of sex? if that’s the case, i’m totally getting him a gaggle of hookers for christmas. how does one gift wrap a prostitute, anyway…? pasties, and pubic hair shaped like a bow??? um…ew.
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Happy Hair-making! 🙂
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i just snorted … at my desk … I sit in the foyer. it was very unladylike. thanks for that. Hope your Christmas was great. Are you less testosterony? (if it wasn’t a word before, it is now)
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Rob, Wanted to wish you a good year, a year of peace, a year of hope, a year filled with joy and blessings. May love be good to you in the coming months – lol. Take care & thank you for your gift of words, that oftentimes moves me to tears – both of laughter as well as of compassion. Take care.
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Hey, just dropped by to say thank you for the note and to wish you a Happy New Year! However, have been sidetracked by the hilarity of this entry! I was unaware male pattern baldness was related to testosterone… is that true? Funny story anyway! He sounds like quite a character. I wish you and yours all the best for 2010 x
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hahahaha.. so, is it working???
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So what do you get the woman in your life with thinning hair? More sex? Please??
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Yeah my uncle has the craziest sex life ever and he still went bald. However, it did grow back (and stay grown back) after he took heart medication…
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regardless of the amount of sex being had, i’m pretty sure all the hair lost on the head is recycled to the ears and nose. i swear i’ve seen old men who could keep themselves warm through winter if wrapped in their own ear and nose hair….
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