But Wait…There’s MORE!!!

A few months ago I had worked a double shift plus call, and was really exhausted when I finally got home. I wanted to watch the news before I crashed, so I settled onto the comfy couch with a cool drink and started catching up on the happenings of the world. It must have been a slow news night, because the next thing I became aware of was a loud voice clamoring about a new weeding attachment for an electric drill. I forced my eyes open and gazed at my watch, 3 AM, and that grating and eternally loud voice could be none other than that omnipresent pitchman, Billy Mays, who seemed to take it as a personal affront if I ever fell asleep on my couch; and would holler until my unconscious brain had finally had enough irritation and grudgingly woke me up.

If I was awake, his voice was always many decibels over whatever program I was viewing, so that when he started his ear splitting verbal barrage I had to always turn down the volume, then turn it back up when he was done. Or, if I happened to fall asleep, I was rudely awakened by that bearded fellow shouting about the latest wondrous household product he had found for the amazingly low price of only $19.95.

“But wait..There’s MORE!” he would roar at my sleep addled brain. “Call in the next twenty minutes and we will DOUBLE the amount!”

I would fall asleep on the couch occasionally and every time I would be awakened by his bellowing voice,  then stumble off to bed. He was in a sense, my human alarm clock, and has saved me from many a crinked neck from snoozing all night on the couch.

Now I read that Billy Mays, at only fifty, tragically died in his sleep from heart problems. In his sleep? I am indeed truly sorry to hear that, and a part of me will actually miss him.  There is, however, one thing I must say…

“HEY BILLY, WAKE UP!”