Dig This
After sending my Smiley Face Boxers to the White House, I couldn’t just stop there, I HAD to try something else. Im beginning to think I need my woman here with me to keep my sanity intact. She has been far away for far too long.
Here it is:
The Smithsonian Institution
Museum of Natural History
Washington DC
20013-7012
Dear Dr E____,
I wish to thank you for sending the fascinating specimens you discovered in your backyard ‘dig’ while installing the swing set for your landlord. We have found the included ‘in situ‘ Polaroid photographs of the artifacts a great help in determining their history.
Upon close examination of the artifacts by our archeology and paleontology staff, we are pleased to render our judgment.
Item I: Labeled “Possible Tyrannosaurus Rex Femur”
Our scientists have found the artifact not to belong to the Dinosauria, but to the family Red Soxia – You, Dr E____, have sent us a dirt encrusted baseball bat circa 1980’s. Once our restorers had scrapped off the accumulated geologic debris (dirt), the words Louisville Slugger are plainly discernible on the barrel of the bat. It does, however, look similar to a femur.
Item II: Labeled “Possible new Proto Human Species similar to the Hobbit like skulls
(Homo Floriensis) recently discovered in Indonesia”
As you can imagine, this item really excited our staff. The wonder of finding a proto human skull in central Massachusetts, so far away from mankind’s ancestral home in Africa, had our hearts pounding!
After meticulous examination by our expert staff, however, we determined the intact skull in question was, in reality, a disarticulated head from a Betsy Wetsy doll, common in the United States in the late 1950’s to early 1960’s.
In this time of budget cuts and funding shortages, the entire Paleontology staff wants to thank you for a hearty laugh.
We encourage you to send more artifacts from your next ‘dig.’
Sincerely,
cute. *laughs* you are always good for tugging our heart strings and making our giggle boxes squeak. MUAH
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Archeologists and paleontologists with a sense a humor. AWESOME! You bring smiles to so many…
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LOL! This one is even better than the boxers!
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very nice
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That’s just fantastic. I am heartened to see that you go for the gusto when you’re in the mood to harass people. As a fellow prankster, my hat is off to you, dear sir.
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every time you mention your woman, as though you’re still together and everything, i think to myself, “he better not be serious.” honestly dude. you BETTER not be serious. don’t make me fly out there and beat the shit out of you – both physically AND emotionally. …unless, of course, you have a new woman. in which case, WOO! why haven’t you told me?!
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*waves hello* ♥,
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you are no doubt the talk of D.C.!
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This is one of those things where I say to myself, “Self, why didn’t YOU think of doing that?” You rock.
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aweosme
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Niice
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i just saw you on the front page for readers choice! W00T
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If you ever decide to run for the post of ‘Dad’ you’d be the best one in the history of mankind. 🙂
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Oh yeah, no doubt about it, keep this up and I suspect you’ll be getting a visit from some spook in the CIA.
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I used to tell my kids that milk was “elephant repellent.” They responded with the usual, “M o mmmmm! Milk doesn’t repel elephants.” I countered with “How do you know? Have you seen any elephants recently?” “No” was their reply. I’d wink and say, “That’s because you’ve been drinking your milk!”
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There should be more people like you in this world.
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I LOVE your sense of humor. You could probably write a book and make money from these things. OMG… a doctor with compassion AND a sense of humor… be still, my heart. Take care.
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This as a case for CSI! The bat is the murder weapon that was used to discombobulate poor, unawares Betsy Wetsy. Then, the evidence and the body was buried to cover up the nefarious crime! The Betsy Basher must be found! LMAO!
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RYN: I think someone needs to verify alibis for A-Rod & Jeter. “Roid rage” will make ya do some crazy things! LOL!
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Perfect as usual CM! Hey, from what I can tell, you yourself have quite a few folowers that dig you! Keep on keepin on bro. And thanks for the uplifting note. I have another date with Michelle planned that involves roses laced with cloroform(sic)…am I a romantic or what????
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seriously? ha!
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hahahahah
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dork. 🙂
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