Technique of a Love God

 

I have been fascinated by the female form since that one fateful day at the tender age of twelve when I saw my first naked breast in the tattered pages of an old National Geographic magazine. The perfection of that orb-like, perfectly shaped breast launched me on a life long appreciation of the female form. I have, in fact, learned everything I possibly could about what gives a woman physical pleasure.

I cannot explain why, since I love and appreciate all women so much, I am not much of a player. (Well, except for high school when I would go after anything in a skirt). Instead, I am really a one woman at a time type of man. I have found that exploring the techniques of love deeply with one woman is far more rewarding than having a superficial, just getting my-rocks-off ‘wham bang thank you ma’am’ relationship with numerous women. My bedpost has only a few notches, but what notches they are.

Because I do not have casual affairs, I have occasional ‘dry spells,’ periods of time when I do not get any of the things that help to keep a young man alive. So when Celtic Woman said she was coming into town, I just couldn’t help but feel the old juices flowing. It had been a while.

 

The house party had gone perfectly well. Celtic Woman was more beautiful than ever, and her dark red, form fitting dress was showing her sweet curves to perfection. Whenever we had a moment alone, we teased each other, making little sensual jokes and comments, enticing each other to need passionate lovemaking. Just as the party started to wind down, Celtic Woman came out of the ladies room, and when no one was looking, handed me something small and silky. I looked down, it was her panties. I almost dragged her out, got into the car and broke every speed limit on the way back to my apartment.

We kissed passionately as we entered the dark living room, and then I picked her up in my arms and carried her into the bedroom. Her dress was off in seconds, and she stood in the soft moonlight a magnificent vision of loveliness. I was totally aroused and started to remove my shirt but she whispered that she would undress me. When she unbuckled my pants I sat on the edge of the bed so she could get them off easily. I closed my eyes as she leaned over to pull my trousers over my ankles, and I raised my knee to make it easier. As my knee came up, I felt a little bump and heard a wet sounding click. I opened my eyes and looked down, but Celtic Woman was no longer there! Alarmed, I scanned the room, and then saw her sitting spread eagled three feet away, her back against the wall.

“Baby! What are you doing way over there?” I asked breathlessly.

“Gnou Gnicked me!”

“What baby? I kicked you?”

“GNESS!”

“Oh sweetheart I’m sorry! Why are you talking so funny?”

“I Gnit my Gnongue!

“You bit your tongue?”

“GNESS! I gnit my gnongue!”

I immediately got up to comfort her, but forgot my pants were still around my ankles. I took one step and almost fell over. I barely caught myself by throwing my hands against the wall. I found myself leaning in at a forty five degree angle just above Celtic Woman. I looked down and saw my erect penis quivering right next to her face.

“Gnou have got to gne gnidding!” she exclaimed loudly.

“Sorry baby, I just tripped over my pants.” I stepped out my my pants, squatted down next to her and checked her jaw for proper alignment, then looked at her tongue for bleeding. Whew! No blood. I sat her on the bed and then ran into the kitchen for some ice.

I felt a weird sensation and realized as I was running that I was still aroused. My manly organ, once awakened, was reluctant to hibernate again! I had to be careful not to let it bump into things as I moved around the kitchen and crushed some ice.

She was still sitting on the edge of the bed when I returned with the crushed ice and water. She gave me an indecipherable look.

“Honey, swirl this around inside you mouth. It’ll help.”

“Gnanks”

“You’re welcome sweet baby.”

As she swirled the ice, she was looking at my crotchal area, and I realized I was still all …ummm… manly, so I pulled on my boxers. They didn’t do much good, it looked like I was trying to smuggle a prize winning cucumber. She laughed softly, and as soon as she did, I cracked up too.

I tucked her in bed and told her to use the ice water to keep the swelling down. I got in and cuddled next to her, careful not to let my hips touch her because I was still all aroused. I felt like I was back in high school when my manly organ would just pop up and say ‘HI!” at the most inappropriate times. After a few minutes she noticed I was not cuddling her in my usual way. She reached down and felt my arousal, then slowly pulled me to her. She still couldn’t speak, but sometimes no words are necessary.

 

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May 19, 2009

haha… saw you on the front page…. priceless!

May 19, 2009
May 19, 2009

I hope this is a true story. I think it’s something I’d like to experience.

May 19, 2009

that is awesome!

lol that was funny in a sweet and tender knida way

Haha! That sort of mess up does happen more often than one would like. Made for a good laugh though. Hope she’s doing fine now.

May 19, 2009

That ice could have served two purposes, ya know…..

May 19, 2009

Poor Celtic Woman! But I don’t think I have laughed so hard in a week. Can she talk yet?

May 19, 2009

I’m glad she still slips you her panties. RYN: I’m okay. A little discouraged I think, but this too shall pass.

May 19, 2009

oh honey LOLOLOL only you…..

May 19, 2009

she has red hair now??? i’m confused.

May 19, 2009

oh good lord. *laughs* i love you rob.. you are so funny.

May 19, 2009

I love the way you write. My favourite line: “it looked like I was trying to smuggle a prize winning cucumber.” 😀

May 20, 2009

Well at least no one had to yell out is there a doctor in the house?! **

May 20, 2009

nice try!

May 22, 2009

ryn: oooooooooo sweet thing, you don’t have to bring steaks. just bring yourself ; ) and the robe.

OTC
May 22, 2009

LOL! So adorable =)

June 2, 2009

Haha! Very sweet. 🙂

July 13, 2009

that is CLASSIC!!