I Now Pronounce You
“Rob,” Marie said, “A patient is not dead until a physician says he’s dead.”
I knew that of course, but this was going to be the first time I pronounced a patient outside the technological confines of ER or the ICU, with their sophisticated cardiac and other monitoring systems. This was going to be an old fashioned pronunciation, using my eyes and fingers to look and feel, my stethoscope and ears to listen for breaths and heartbeat. I was with Marie, the third year medical resident, and she was showing me the ropes as I oriented to the hospital.
We entered Mrs J’s room. She was in the hospital bed in a semi reclining position, we call it Semi Fowlers position, her eyes were closed and she had a peaceful aspect about her. As soon as I stood by her bed however, I had the undeniable feeling we were not alone in the room. I somehow knew for certain that Mrs J was still there, in the room with us. My rational mind immediately thought that the nurse had made a mistake and called us to pronounce a sleeping patient.
I was about to speak to Mrs J, in oder to gently awaken her when Marie asked, “Can you feel it?” I knew immediately what she meant. A part of me knew that Mrs J had passed away, but was somehow still here, in the room with us. I wanted to make believe I didn’t know what Marie meant, I wanted to make believe that everything was normal. I wanted to make believe that I wasn’t feeling what I was feeling, but I couldn’t pretend, the feeling was too powerful. I looked into Marie’s eyes and nodded yes. I felt it.
“Rob, we are here only to pronounce the body. It’s our job. Go ahead.”
I had the eerie sensation that Mrs J was watching me as I checked her body for signs of life. Pupils fixed and dilated, no response at all to the penlight I shone in her vacant eyes. I listened to her chest with my stethoscope as I palpated the cooling flesh of the carotid area in her neck for a pulse. I did it for the full sixty seconds required, but heard not a whisper of air, not the faintest murmur of cardiac contraction, not the slighest touch of a pulse on my fingertips.
“Time of death, 11:27 PM.” I whispered. Marie wrote the note in the chart and we both signed it. I just could not walk out the door without saying something, but I didn’t quite know what to say or even where to look as I said it. Mrs J was obviously not in her body, but somewhere close to us still. I finally looked up toward the ceiling and whispered. “May you go with God, Mrs J.”
Amen.” Marie said softly as we quietly left the room.
:-/
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Part of my job is take patients to the morgue when they’ve died, and I always get that feeling. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
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God Bless You. Smiles Hugs Love
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I have always thought that being a doctor was like being in a very special fraternity. Only occasionally getting a look inside to see the thinking and training process. Thank you for this snapshot.
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Thank you for this -I felt as if I were there. Have a nice weekend**
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This made me kind of sad cause she died. You’re a good writer though it seems.
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*hugs you* i can’t imagine doing your job rob.
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Wow. what an amazing experience.
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Death is a hinterland, isn’t it? A kind of paradox, always present. I’ve never been in its presence, but I can’t imagine doing so and not being moved. ~
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random: that sent shivers up my spine.
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RYN: I know. The comment about antibiotics was a joke meant to insult some people.
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I have had that feeling as well when I worked in ER and at the hospital. When we did postmortem care I always talked to them, almost the way I did when I gave baths. It made me feel better that they might know I still cared even though they were gone.
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This gave me goose bumps… I, too, have experienced that feeling a time or three. Bless you and thank you…
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So kind. so caring you are. ~hugs~ ryn: I’ll have the ODoul’s chilled – how about a tossed salad, lasagna, home made bread and cherry pie?
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ryn: he’s finally home and has been pain-free for almost a week now. i’m doing better than i probably should be, which is either a really good thing or really concerning….i’m not sure which yet. ps – please know i appreciate your concern. pps – i’m pretty sure the soul sticks around for a while to see what’s going on after the body dies.
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So sweet … Your patients are so fortunate to have you, Rob.
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Ryn: It, too, is very special to me… As if you couldn’t figure that out ;-P
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the idea of death doesn’t really bother me. but the idea that dead people can see what i’m doing…? i mean, seriously – are you KIDDING?! it’s like santa claus, only completely terrifying. especially these days, since mike and i are sleeping (“sleeping,” in this case, being a euphemism for…well, you know) in my dead grandmother’s bedroom.
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Sometimes the ‘spirit’ seems to hang around for a long time after death, and other times it leaves immediately. That’s quite an experience, too, to sense a ‘soul’ departing. I hope you can stay attuned.
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RYN: That WAS a great article. Thanks for the direction.
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ryn/ i agree. i wanted to slap her when that was her “advice”.. sigh, some people! thanks for the note. i hope i figure it all out soon!
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I’ve been touched by a couple people on their way out.
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My ex, who is a nurse, always raises the window to allow the spirit an avenue of departure, and according to her, she is not the only medical staff to do so. In my own uneducated opinion…it is a very sound practice. As always,CM, you set the standard for writing!
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This took me back to the summer I was 16. My first “real” job over the summer before I entered my Jr. year of HS was working in a “rehabilitation center” (AKA a nursing home). It was the first time I’d even seen someone dead…
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Wow, this is a very beautiful story…it is strange to read this, because just today…I felt the same feeling at my boyfriend’s parents house ( they just passed away about a year and a half ago). I felt as if they were still there, watching the house, and him…I feel their presence a lot, actually…I feel that in a strange way, I know them…does that sound weird? I guess it does..lol. Thank
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you for your nice note 🙂 Yeah, it is hard for me to identify with any one religion… I like to “collect” little aspects of each one…lol…I hope you are doing well, your stories are always so well written and like this one, very beautiful 🙂
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