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Reader’s Question:

Dear LoveDoc,
I am a man who is in love with a beautiful and sensitive girl. We have been together a few years now, but we have had our ups and downs. Last year we broke up when she confessed she had cheated on me with several guys.
Like most women, she has some body image issues, and though I think she has a fantastic figure, she feels she is not really attractive. She says her brief affairs were for ‘physical validation’ to prove to herself that she was attractive, and other men really would find her desirable. All were purely short term physical relationships but one, where she did become emotionally involved.
Over the last year we have been trying to work things out, but she told me she still is, and will continue to be, ‘good friends’ with the man she had the emotional affair with.
LoveDoc, I have told her repeatedly that I am finding this really hard to take, but she won’t break it off and insists it is all innocent. What is your advice?
Messed Up in Massachusetts
 
Dear Messed,
I think I should name a new disease after you. You seem to be a cross between a wimp and a pussy, and you certainly suffer from acute Wussy-itis.
First, why did you even consider going back with her at all after she had cheated with multiple guys? Isn’t loyalty a key component of love? You should have walked away then, you pathetic wimp. As my wise Irish uncle Emmet says, “Feed this kid some nails because he is a glutton for punishment!”
Second, as regarding her continuing ‘friendship’ with a guy she messed around with and may just possibly love more than she loves you –  please feel down between your legs and see if your testicles are still intact, because I think she has more balls than you do!
As my country cousin Reggie would say, “What the hell is wrong with this boy?”
It is plain to see that she is torn between you both, and one of you is the ‘guy on the side.’
My advice? Real men have pride, so leave her, and let her remember you as a man of principle, and not some wussified pushover.
 
Reader’s Question:
 
Dear LoveDoc,
I love my boyfriend very much, and want to marry him. I used to have this problem with my self image though, and felt somewhat unattractive. As a result, whenever a good looking man paid attention to me, I flirted back and acted as if I were not in a relationship. I just needed the additional attention. This resulted in a couple of passionless affairs, and one, with Mr X, in which I admit I became emotionally involved.
I confessed these to my boyfriend and we broke up over a year ago. We haven’t lost touch though, and I want him back. The main problem is his fragile male ego. Although he has basically forgiven the passionless flings I had, he feels too insecure to allow me to remain good friends with Mr X, the man I admit to becoming emotional with.
I have repeatedly told my boyfriend that now its mostly just innocent chatting and comparing notes on our relationships, and I will not be romantic with Mr X again.
How can I reassure my boyfriend that I’m now over my insecurities and want only him?
A Reformed Woman
 
Dear Reformed Woman,
Forget that insecure and clingy guy!
If your would-be boyfriend hasn’t noticed yet, it’s the twenty first century; and if a girl wants a little on the side, who is to blame her? You cheated on your boyfriend with Mr. X, a guy that you still like enough to keep as part of your life, and your boyfriend is too insecure to be comfortable with that? That is just so 1950’s, and you, dear girl, deserve so much better.
I think you need a strong, free spirited woman as a role model – Madonna will do nicely. She was never shy about being with multiple good looking guys, and you shouldn’t be either.
You know, I am considered quite good looking and happen to be between relationships right now, so give me a call, OK?
 
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