I miss him.

I know this is going to sound really corny and even mawkishly sentimental, but I really do miss Flip. It’s our 33rd "monthsary" today and it’s yet again, another new month added to our relationship that we don’t get to spend together. It’s been 4 months now since we cried our hearts out saying goodbye, and to me it seems like it’s been forever.

It’s really hard being thousands of miles away, being at the other ends of the world from someone who owns your heart. There’s the internet and phone and all that modern technology that can easily enable us to get in touch in spite the distance, but yet it doesn’t fulfill me completely. I want the real hug, the soft kiss, the distinct smell that I know is only his. I can’t even fathom how much I miss him. And it’s really sad because I can’t seem to remember now how it feels when we’re together. I seem to have forgotten the feeling when we used to have all the time in the world to just spend time with each other, just sitting next to him with my head on his chest and his hands wrapped around me as he kisses my head and my face. We don’t have to utter a word as time passes by, just knowing that we’re with each other is more than enough. All I know is that it’s the best feeling in the world; It’s the moment when I know how I want to spend the rest of my life. But I don’t remember anymore how it feels. And I’m longing to feel it once again. I need it. I want it.

Since I came here, I’ve been nothing but confused, scared, homesick, lost…and I know I won’t be the same again unless I get to be with Flip. I’m with my parents and I know they’re the best guidance I can have right now, and I do appreciate that. But the longings of the heart is a different thing. Love has its different kinds. There’s nothing more I want right now than to be with Flip. I wish we’re together here, together in this new world I’m in. Things would definitely be a whole lot easier for me. I’m not that strong. I can’t bear a long distance relationship, especially being here. I want to be there for him as well, to comfort him when he’s down, to surprise him with his favorite food after a long tiring day at school, just to share with him life’s moments. I may be selfish to think that I can’t sacrifice any more when I know I have to because there’s nothing he and I can do anything about it for now, but it really just breaks my heart over and over again. It maybe years from now when we can finally be together in one place and until then, I may smile and laugh and say that I’m fine, but really I could be a whole lot happier.