the EEKonomy of justice!

I can’t stand reports on the economy.  They have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the ACTUAL economy of any single place because it’s far far too generalized.  I know that our country’s finances are in shambles, and I know it’s *entirely* because of Bush’s policies, but do they really expect me to believe or CARE that the median household income for the entire nation just went up .3% (adjusted for inflation of course!) while MY ACTUAL income has flatlined at $10/hour?  Where the hell do they get these "numbers" anyway?

Let me tell you how I envision this:  You have 10 middle-to-older white gentlemen in boring grey suits with boring colored ties to add a little personality all huddled around an old fashioned dot matrix printer set up on a pesdistal in the center of a closed and locked room.  They stand there breathlessly each quarter waiting for the ink ribbon to start spewing out rows of black numbers, and thier assholes clench as they pore through the new numbers they just got sent (apparently from GOD ALMIGHTY) and if they like what they see, they do a reserved celebration dance and have cake in tiny festive party hats a la Office Space.  They immediately proceed to congratulate themselves on how well they predicted the economy’s apparent upswing because jobs are up and unemployment is down!  In America!  On average!  That means any of you losers who don’t have a job can walk into any of the innumerable places that are suddenly hiring and be taken in on the spot!  Rejoice!

But should the numbers go unexpectedly awry, these 10 well dressed men will hang thier heads in shame and spend the next quarter discussing how exactly it was that they could have missed the signs which were SO obvious to all of the rest of us.  The economy slows and all you unemployed bitches are stuck that way for another 3 gruelling months because a piece of paper said so.  The number crunching will be intense and these 10 isolated ostriches shall burry thier heads in the sand and await the fabled printer’s next wood pulp regurgitation.

But what about the numbers?  What about all these new jobs that they claim have been created?!  Obviously no such thing has taken place or all of these unemployed people would no longer be unemployed because of the sudden surge of jobs on the market.  Well perhaps we’re not looking in the right place.  Where one business collapses inexplicably (say…. Enron for example) a million other pop up in its place.  All of the mildly hot former Enron ladies got jobs modelling for Playboy for instance.  Also everyone who lost a job suddenly CREATED their own self-employ when they opened their E-BAY account to sell off their office furniture and supplies.  there’s thousands of jobs right there!  Holy crap it was right under our noses the whole time.  And then there are the hordes of orcish herbalists and moon elf armorsmiths that we haven’t even mentioned yet!  Hell Everquest money is worth more than that of most 3rd world countries!  How can we possibly fail to include these VALUABLE services in the job reports?  That means the economy is booming!  The more automotive workers and manufacturers that get laid off the more time they have to play computer games!  it’s a fair trade as any suit would agree.  Everyone comes out happy and employed and the economy stays on the up and up.  Magnificent.