taxing my patience (part 2 of 2)

(cont. from previous) There’s a lot of other crap our government spends money on, but let’s just concentrate for now on these main things.  How many did I write? ooh 10 …. that was a lucky guess.  So.  The government uses taxes to pay for all of these things, so I don’t see that as bad.  I sure don’t want to have to do all that crap on my own… I want the government to do it for me so I pay my damn taxes.  All of these factors create what economists call an "economy."  Now, currently, despite what the administration says, our economy SUCKS BALLS.  We have very low taxes which seems to make rich people happy and poor people less unhappy, so they all go out and spend more.  In theory.  In reality, they all go out and spend more at That Store Which Shall Not Be Named.  In addition, some of these basic functions of government are starting to fail.  Why?  Because the country is not making the same amount of money that it used to.  We are in a great amount of DEBT and we have a DEFICIT budget.  Essentially that means we’re in a hole and we keep digging deeper instead of trying to find a way out.  Things weren’t always like this.  Just 6 years ago our debt was growing smaller and our budget had a SURPLUS.  WTF?  Not only that but our debt was LESS THAN HALF of what it is now.  OMGWTFBBQ?!  What’s going on here?  The answer is simple.  Taxes were cut on ALL levels and the country just isn’t making the kind of money it used to.  Let’s pretend our country is a dude.  Named Sam.  Sam is trucking along in 2001 paying off his college loans and making ALL of his ends meet.  He’s paying all 10 of his bills with money to spare and so he’s planning on crazy things like a trip to Mars and all sorts of nifty and outrageous things.  He get’s a little nostalgic and gives in to his glory days of college binge drinking and draft dodging by listening to a little part of his schizophrenic mind we call George.  George convinces Sam that he doesn’t need to work because he’s making so much freaking money.  All Sam has to do is party to keep George happy.  George convinces Sam to get a little rowdy and on September 11th, his old buddy Osama gets fed up with his cocky attitude and gives Sam a shot in the pills with his dialysis machine when Sam ain’t lookin’.  Sam’s two little testosterone-pumping twins are literally crushed and Sam is crippled and because Sam suddenly isn’t making the money he used to he’s having trouble for the first time in years making his ends meet.  Being out of work and suddenly rendered infertile, Sam desperately looks for ways to cut back his spending because it was getting a little crazy.  Sam has to cancel his subscription to xxxjuggs.com and he’s pretty upset about it, but it was necessary to keep him from going under and he can’t ejaculate anymore anyway.  He cuts a few more things… no more bringing meals to grandma at the nursing home… no more trips to Mars… no more Star Wars… well fuck.  Sam is pissed and the only person he can think to blame is Saddam. ?!?!?!  What was that?  Oh… wait… George thinks that Saddam is gonna throw a big chunk of plutonium at Sam’s head, as absurd as that sounds.  Sam in his right mind wouldn’t have even considered such a ridiculous thing because all signs point to Saddam not having one anyway.  Empty hands, empty pockets, empty turban… but George convinces Sam to kick Saddam’s royal ASS anyway.  Just in case.  Sam ignores the little voice in the back of his head and starts pumping his money into his defense bill.  Well… since he doesn’t actually HAVE the money he charges it to his American Express figuring they’ll expand his credit limit.  All Sam’s friends are skeptical of his claims and for the most part refuse to go along with Sam to the lynching.  Saddam is a crappy guy anyway.  Yells at his parents… bullies the kids at school… kills Kurds… but hey Sam didn’t seem to mind before.  Sam promptly kicks the BEJESUS FUCKING TARFUCK out of Saddam’s punk ass while Osama wheels off to hide behind his buddy Musharraf, giggling all the way.  Saddam’s best buddies get pissed and start tossing lit firecrackers at the back of Sam’s head while he’s facing the other way just to piss with him.  Meanwhile Sam is much worse off than before financially.  His house got flooded, he lost his insurance, his medical costs went up, his erectile dysfunction medication is no longer covered under his policy, and he really starts hating himself.  He lets bills go unpaid, and is forced to, after 4 years of sneak attacks from Saddam’s friends, he is faced with refinancing.  He can’t pull out another mortgage because his credit sucks like an under-aged black prostitute on a politician.  He’s already cut all his "excessive spending" and he’s wanting to work even less so he’ll have more time to go beat up on Saddam’s friends, but what is left to cut?  hmmm… culture has got to go… I can’t afford to remember the past and I don’t have time to read… so let’s close a few libraries… Yeah… and.. like a few museums too.  and maybe I’ll sell that state park for a little extra dough!  ooooh if only my mom would let me drill in my back yard for oil!  Our neighbors won’t mind!  crap… ummm… well… lets go ahead and cut my health care benefits too.  I’m making… crap.  well I have to cut this anyway.  I can’t afford it.  ooo… utilities… I’ll sneak in a caller ID so I can know if Saddam’s friends are prank calling me again.  crap.  this costs money.  FUCK.  I just won’t tell anyone and maybe they won’t notice?  Well We can downgrade our fire alarms and our security system… just so long as I can find a way to put up an electric fence between me and my neighbor Fox… Bastard keeps coming over and using MY power tools.  Shit shit SHIT.  Fuck nature.  I’m cutting this out the yin yang.  *starts smoking Clean Coal brand cigarettes*  Transportation… I got it… I’ll sell the car to my nephew and let him CHARGE people to use it.  toll roads biatch.  banked.  ummm… Dammit this is hard!  I wish I had paid attention in math class.  But I still say Saddam had this coming.  And I can’t back down from his friends or they’ll think I’m a pussy!  I’ll just deal then.  I ain’t a fucking pussy.  Even though I’m getting sick of this.  Stay the course.  No time for a job I’ve got bigger fish to fry.  … But then again isn’t maintaining fiscal responsibility important?  What am I doing?  How do I get out of this MESS?  Sam, eventually snaps and beats up all of Saddam’s neigbors because he can’t tell them appart from Saddam’s friends.  Brown fuckers all look alike anyway.  Sam’s European neighbors expell him from their community for being a total dick.  Sam ends up broken, homeless, faithless, and worn the fuck out.  moral of the story?  We need to give Sam a raise instead of laying him off.  I could keep going but I’d talk your ears off even more. 
 
~END~